The Radar guide to shopping for counterfeits

FUGAZZI FABULOUS From iPod to Prada, the perfect fake is just a few clicks away

You know you want it: The high-performance sports car, the designer handbag, the Rolex. But the prices! So-called counterfeiters feel your pain, and they're doing everything they can—including putting themselves at tremendous personal risk—to make such items truly affordable, to take luxury out of the soft, deeply moisturized hands of the privileged few and bring it to the masses. Most of these so-called knockoffs come from China, where industrial prowess and lax intellectual property safeguards allow manufacturers to pump out generic products and plaster them with the brand names, logos, and labels we all know and trust. Unfortunately, since their goods are technically "illegal" due to certain mind-bogglingly arcane bureaucratic regulations, you won't find them in most stores and catalogs.

Hence, Radar's handy buyer's guide.

You need not be a high roller to dress in the same clothes, drive the same car, and pack the same heat as one. Get out there and shop till you drop. Or you get caught. Happy hunting!

Next best thing: The Chinese counterfeit of a 1967 Ferrari 330 P4, a model so hot only six were manufactured. Authorities in the EU seized the seventh in transit from China in spring 2006, but an eighth may very well be on its way. If you don't feel like waiting, try an American-made F355 Spyder replica. Most of these Ferrari fakes are knockoffs of '90s models built on Ford or Chevy frames, and can be had for between $10,000 and $40,000; peanuts, really, compared with the sticker price on a real one. At around $27,000, the F355 Spyder replica is considered the best on the market. Knockoffs of the Spyder often boast a full leather interior, quality stereo, high-powered substitute engine, and the prancing Ferrari logo on the steering wheel. And, hey, it's that Ferrari logo that really counts.

Legality: According to U.S. Customs and Border Protection spokesman Zachary Mann, replicators will sometimes make slight alterations to Ferrari designs (such as having a horse logo that faces right instead of left) in a bid to make their hot rods legal. It sounds nice in theory, but whether or not this actually absolves the counterfeiter of guilt is often decided in court, on a case-by-case basis.

How to get it: There's a good chance that a mechanic in your area stocks one or two of these bogus sports cars, so check your classifieds or eBay.

Next best thing: A handful of North Korean "Superdollars", supposedly the best counterfeits of American currency on the planet. Experts believe North Korea began circulating the phony greenbacks in the 1980s as a way to make extra money while undermining the American economy. Pyongyang, for its part, accuses the U.S. of printing the counterfeits in an attempt to incriminate the communist nation. Whoever's behind the fakes, they've done a great job: Superdollars have security threads, watermarks, and optically variable inks that are virtually identical to those of real bills, making them perfect for any expenditure. Better hurry, though; the number of Superdollars in circulation is waning as more and more forgers switch to the "SuperEuro."

Legality: Expect a fine in the thousands (and that's real dollars) and/or three or more years in prison, depending on the quantity and sophistication of your ersatz banknotes.

How to get it: Since entering North Korea can be a little tricky, the best way to get your hands on one of the remaining supernotes is to cozy up to a
North Korean diplomat—ambassadors are allegedly the primary distribution channel for the funny money.

Next best thing: A box of five-cent cigars, relabeled to look like they're fresh off the inner tube. According to Zachary Mann, the fakes are packaged in specially made boxes with phony tax stamps, to satisfy even the most discriminating black-market buyer. Peddlers sell the counterfeits to tourists in places like Miami's South Beach, under the premise that the cigars were just smuggled in from Cuba by some enterprising family member. Unsuspecting buyers may pay the full street price of $250, but those in the know can haggle the price down to $175 or lower.

Legality: At the very least, offenders can expect to be spanked with a fine for not paying the federal and state taxes on tobacco sales. Consequences for sellers and smugglers, on the other hand, can be more dire. A lawyer who was caught smuggling Cubans into the U.S. was slapped with a $60,000 fine and three years in the slammer for charges ranging from smuggling and lying to a passport officer to trading with the enemy and conspiracy. Apparently, 44 years after the fact, U.S. officials are still taking this whole "starve communism to death" thing seriously.

How to get it: Cruise through South Beach and scope out the alleys and boardwalks along Ocean Drive.

Next best thing: Your pick of celebrities' couture outfits.
L.A. fashionista Allen B. Schwartz has made a good business out of copying high-priced gala dresses and marketing them to the masses at cut-rate prices. While Keira's silk-sewn Oscar duds fetched nearly $8,000 at an Oxfam auction, you can get the rayon equivalent for around $300—and still feel like a somebody! Conscientious Schwartz has tailored the dresses for us normal people, so you won't even need to diet.

Legality: As long as Schwartz doesn't try to pass it off as a real Vera Wang, he's in the clear.

How to get it: These fine threads are available in department stores, or on absstyle.com.

Next best thing: A Shuffle or Nano so cunningly counterfeited that Apple has warned its own affiliates about the fakes. And if the knockoff music players can fool retailers, chances are your coworkers and the muggers in the subway won't be able to tell the difference, either! The phony iPods come without dock connectors, have irregular headphone jacks, and are packaged in boxes stamped with the words "digital music player," unlike real Apple products.

Legality: You'll have a hell of a time explaining to your cellmate what you're in for.

How to get it: Since Apple HQ raised the alarm in March, most of the counterfeits have probably been pushed out of the stores, so check eBay.

Next best thing: A counterfeit so artfully done even Sassicaia's vintner, the Marquis Nicolo Incisa della Rochetta, admits it's a flawless wine. Forgers assembled identical bottles, complete with seals and detailed labels, and filled them with a Cabernet-Montepulciano d'Abruzzo blend that perfectly mimicked the original's bouquet. Insiders in the Italian wine industry were recently busted with 20,000 bottles of the stuff, which they had been selling for $100 a bottle. Many other top-shelf wines, including Penfolds Grange and Chateau Mouton Rothschild, have been the targets of counterfeiters, who often simply slap fake French or Australian labels on Chinese wine and sell them for list price (in some cases, up to $3,000 a bottle). The Chinese versions might be a little iffy, but if you can get your hands on a bottle of fake Sassicaia, you can tickle your taste buds without emptying your wallet.

Legality: This wine is definitely not kosher.

How to get it: Go to Tuscany and look for a guy selling them out of a red Fiat hatchback.

Next best thing: Exact replicas of watches by Rolex, Cartier, Bvlgari, Jacob & Co., Mont Blanc, TAG Heuer, Panerai, Breitling ... you name it, replicahause.com's got it. Order from this Thai website and get your knockoff within a week, safely packed away inside a beat-up PC hard drive. Buy a Rolex, and ReplicaHause will even throw in a Rolex certification, just in case some snoop doubts the authenticity of your tantalizing new ticker. Not that anyone will; these counterfeits are lovingly crafted with real gold plating and precision parts—even the anti-counterfeit features of the original watches. The replicas aren't cheap (most cost just under $200) but when you consider the fact that real Rolexes can run you upwards of $30,000, it's a steal.

Legality: Let's just say these knockoffs are shipped clandestinely for a reason.

How to get it: replicahause.com.

Next best thing: An SA M-7, a more expensive American-made imitation of the AK. Although at least 14 countries are known to produce imitations of the infamous Kalashnikov, one—Bulgaria—has done it well enough to be
singled out by the Russian government. A Bulgarian manufacturer, Arsenal, has apparently been operating under a long-defunct Cold War treaty that allows it to produce the weapons for the nation's military, and the company now brazenly exports the unlicensed AKs, despite Russian protests. Meanwhile, since 2000 an American sister company (technically unaffiliated), Arsenal, Inc., has been producing semiautomatic Kalashnikov lookalikes with the same "old-world craftsmanship." Of course, this legal version, which retails for $1,250, spits out only 40 rounds per minute as opposed to the original's 600 rounds.

Legality: Depends. Since the U.S. Federal Assault Weapons Ban expired in 2004, state laws are the only things standing between you and a blaze of glory. Like most things, M-7s are legal in Vegas, which is probably why they're manufactured there.

How to get it: arsenalinc.com.

Next best thing: A Chinese knockoff. Remember, not all counterfeit handbags have to be shoddy; some forgers take great pride in using quality materials. Besides knocking off Chloé—decent replicas of which cost between $160 and $320—the good people at basicreplica.com also blatantly ape Gucci, Balenciaga, Chanel, Louis Vuitton, and Fendi, using real calf- and cowhide with quality stitching. They ship worldwide, and, most important, "understand how frustrating customs hold ups can be and the financial strain of seizure."

Legality: Fake logos make these handbags quite illegal in countries, like the U.S., that uphold copyright laws.

How to get it: basicreplica.com.

Next best thing: A Geely Merrie. This shameless Chinese knockoff of a German classic incorporates some of the same designs as a C-class and, though somewhat smaller, is nearly identical in the nose and tail. You can get the Merrie for around $10,500, a steal compared to the pound of flesh a real C-class costs. A legal adaptation of the Merrie, the provocatively named Freedom Cruiser, debuted at the Detroit Auto Show early this year, and sports the same Benz-like features as its black-market predecessor. Geely plans to market the Freedom Cruiser in Puerto Rico in 2008, with mainland availability soon to follow. Provided your gold-digging squeeze doesn't notice the logo on the hood, you'll be ridin' dirty in no time.

Legality: Iffy. The Geely is a tricky case. Technically, as long as they don't attempt to pass their model off as a Mercedes they're in the clear. But Daimler-Chrysler could still make a case that the Merrie is stealing creative property in the form of design—and, if the Freedom Cruiser is marketed in the United States, odds are they will.

How to get it: geely-global.com.

Next best thing: Twenty Chinese cigarettes, packaged in a box nearly identical to Marlboro's. Large shipments of counterfeit smokes, labeled with major brand names, sometimes make their way past customs agents and into the U.S. marketplace. In 2003, six smugglers were charged with selling 35 million fake Chinese cigarettes tax-free through both an upstate New York Indian reservation and the website cheapsmoke.com. Similar scams have been uncovered at Indian reservations in Mastic and Southampton, Long Island, and odds are there are plenty of those illicit butts still floating around. While some smokers complain that the plastic, sand, and excess tar found in the tobacco makes these cancer sticks unsmokable, many puffers are hooked on the counterfeits' elevated levels of nicotine.

Legality: Dubious. Expect to be charged the same state and federal taxes you would have paid anyway—a trifling amount, if you've only bought a pack or two.

How to get it: Head to the Hamptons with a fistful of wampum to get your smoke on.

Next best thing: Fake Viagra. If you're like any of us here at Radar, you get a thousand e-mails a day offering you discounted penis pills. And if you're anything like us, you've realized that you can cheat Pfizer by buying the "C..h..e..E..P..v..i..a..G..R..a" advertised in the subject lines. Even if you ingest the boric acid, lead-based paint, or cement these pills are rumored to contain, you'll probably still get a healthy dose of the sildenafil citrate you need to get it up. And hey, what's harder than cement?

Legality: Depends. If the fake pills are advertised and labeled so as to be confused with Viagra, they're an infringement upon Pfizer's copyright.

How to get it: Turn off your spam filter, and check your inbox.

Next best thing: Phony clubs made in the same country—maybe even the same factory—as the originals. Once sold in stalls in Shanghai open-air markets, Chinese-made counterfeit golf gear has spread like wildfire on Internet auction sites, where a set of nine Callaway clubs can go for half the usual price. People who have bought the fakes complain that the clubs make their shots go screwy, but they're probably just bad at golf.

Legality: Forged brand-name clubs are illegal in the U.S., and thanks to an initiative by five industry spoilsports, they may soon be illegal in China, too.

How to get it: Check eBay to get your game on.

Next best thing: The hotly contested Madonna and Child hanging in New York's Metropolitan Museum of Art. At 8 by 11 inches, the work—one of only 11 surviving works by the medieval artist Duccio—is allegedly the most expensive painting to be bought by the Met. In July, a respected art history professor at Columbia University declared the painting a forgery, and a poor one, at that. The prof, James Beck, has trash-talked baby Jesus' "gourd-like head" and ridiculed his outstretched hand, "which appears like a stump." Ouch! The Met disputes the claim, but that won't keep the rogue historian from publishing his evidence in an upcoming book, The Crisis of Connoisseurship: From Duccio to Raphael.

Legality: Since the painting's thought to be the work of a 19th-century forger, odds are the authorities won't be charging the culprit any time soon. This puppy's legal to own.

How to get it: Wait until the controversy has thoroughly besmirched this watershed of Western European culture, then pick it up at Christie's for a song.

Next best thing: An imitation Panther, which is nearly identical to the original. These counterfeit shockers have been popping up at flea markets across the country, and have moved to online auction sites en masse. Fakes can be had for as low as $8, a discount that has the Panther people in a tizzy. The only downside of buying the cheaper version is that you may end up zapping a bad guy with 100,000 volts instead of the preferred 200,000. But if you're worried about technicalities like voltage, maybe these straight-shootin' stunners aren't for you.

Legality: Poor. The primary issue is copyright infringement, but zapping your landlord isn't too cool either.

How to get it: Find the fakes by bargain-shopping on eBay.

Next best thing: Chanel No. 5.1—the preferred moniker for any similarly scented variant on the classic designer perfume. Such knockoffs look just like the original, save for some misspellings, shoddy packaging, and missing logos. Many phony fragrances are sold on the street, but you're guaranteed to find fakes on eBay, as well, generally for less than $20. And if you're not deterred by the risk of unsightly rashes or the fact that police have found urine and pond water in counterfeit perfume, you'll be smelling sweet in no time.

Legality: Pretty stinky, if it bears a fake logo. Although scents themselves can't be trademarked.

How to get it: Cruise Canal Street and keep your nostrils open (just watch out for fishmongers).

Next best thing: A Laibao SRV, a picture-perfect copy of the Honda SUV. At only $12,700, Shuanghuan Motors' Laibao model is priced to sell, and its similarities have attracted legal action from Honda. In December 2004, Honda won a suit against another Chinese company for flooding the domestic market with "Hongda" motorcycles. The Laibao's still on the market, though, and if you can find a way to have one smuggled in from China, you'll be off-roading like the best of them. That is, if you're one of the handful of Americans who actually off-roads in their SUV.

Legality: Honda's lawsuit notwithstanding, the Laibao is legal in China.

How to get it: Move to China, and log on to hbshauto.com.

Next best thing: The Wand of the Living Flame. This much sought-after digital weapon from the online role-playing universe EverQuest 2 would normally cost you hours of your life spent earning enough magic points and silver pieces to buy one from an online vendor—or a dollar. The Wand can be picked up for free, however, if you know how to exploit a glitch in the EverQuest 2 software. Sony technicians claim they fixed the bug—which allowed gamers to duplicate digital items, triggering 20 percent inflation in the fantasy realm's economy—but there's always a hack, right? Forgers risk being shunned by their fellow role-players, but if you're immersed enough to even know what the Wand of the Living Flame is, then friends probably aren't too high on your list of priorities.

Legality: The EverQuest 2 user agreement states that players "may not decrypt or modify any data transmitted between client and server," nor may they "use any software to modify the Software to change Game play."

How to get it: Get sucked into the dark world of online role-playing, and the rest will come naturally.

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