10 ways the early '90s changed the world

HAPPIER TIMES Stormin' Norman Schwarzkopf and Bush 41

As the war in Iraq drags on into its fifth year with no end in sight, the American military is increasingly going it alone. But remember 1991, when a U.S.-led coalition marched into Kuwait and repelled Saddam's forces in a matter of six weeks—then had the good sense to quit while it was ahead?

One can't help feeling a little nostalgic for those halcyon days of the early '90s. You may recall the cultural detritus from 1990 to 1994 as a vapid, amorphous, and insignificant slice of American history. But while you doodled Kurt Cobain's face and strapped on your Rollerblades, the entertainment, figures, products, moments, and trends of those five years were quietly sowing the seeds of today's geopolitical landscape. Time-travel back with Radar and see what the early '90s begat.

SIDEBURNS ON 90210

EARLY '90s:
Historian Arthur Schlesinger Jr. theorized that American electoral politics cycle between liberalism and conservatism approximately every seventeen years. The same can be said for giant sideburns, which James Dean kick-started in 1955's Rebel Without a Cause, found favor again in the early '70s, and were tragically reinvigorated in 1990 by Jason Priestley and Luke Perry on Beverly Hills, 90210. The follicular floodgates then opened for goatees, muttonchops, and eventually mountain-man beards, all of which led to ...

NOW:
9/11. Growing resentment among the fundamentalist Muslim community over America's appropriation of facial hair for such unholy vices as attracting women and garnering higher Nielsen ratings foments into searing hatred, culminating in the attack on the World Trade Center. In a symbolic gesture, the hijackers shave their mangy, unfashionable beards prior to their attacks, which also conveniently makes them less conspicuous targets for airport security.

BLACK PEOPLE AS VILLAINS ON THE REAL WORLD

EARLY '90s:
On the first season of MTV's The Real World in 1992, Kevin Powell single-handedly spawned what is now a reality TV archetype: the black person you're supposed to hate. While Powell later became a successful writer focusing on the African-American experience, his angry on-screen persona had already triggered a domino effect of black cast members evicted from the house in later seasons, echoing national trends of urban gentrification and the televisual ghettoization of minority sitcoms to the since-renamed UPN network, which ultimately led to ...

NOW:
The Supreme Court's recent decision to virtually overturn Brown vs. the Board of Education. After witnessing 18 seasons of racial disharmony, the court ruled that, ultimately, we can't all just get along.

GANGSTA RAP

EARLY '90s:
Dr. Dre and Snoop Doggy Dogg's 1992 breakout song for Death Row Records, "Nuthin' but a 'G' Thang," promoted the vainglorious West Coast gangsta culture of violence and misogyny. Their message, a reclamation of American aggression absent during the wimpy Bush Sr. Administration and the bourgeois reign of the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air and court jester DJ Jazzy Jeff, proved so popular that it spread all the way to the East Coast suburbs, where we got their Beltway counterparts ...

NOW:
George W. Bush and Karl Rove, the gangstas of the cold-blooded Bush Administration (gang sign: four and three fingers). Like Dre and Snoop, the duo isn't afraid to pop a cap in someone's ass (Saddam) or endlessly boast ("Bring it on"), gives similar props to death row (152 executions in six years in Texas), and passes legislation that disrespects women (except for Condi). And they've always got their homies' backs (Libby). In stores soon, the major-label release of MC Rove's single.

URKEL

EARLY '90s:
Introduced to Family Matters midway through the first season in 1990, Jaleel White's irrepressible, cheese-fiending Steve Urkel quickly stole the show. Urkel made it safe for more photogenic geeks to dominate prime-time shows, notably Seth Cohen from The O.C., as the '90s set the stage for a wholesale revenge of the nerds, when skill sets in computer programming and emotional songwriting were suddenly in demand. It would be 14 years until another dork with oversize glasses and a bad fade commanded so much American attention.

NOW:
North Korean "Dear Leader" Kim Jong-Il, obsessed with American pop-culture, gains untold confidence after following Urkel's rise closely, eventually attaining nuclear capability. It's only a matter of time before the impish dissident-oppressor and noted script doctor "accidentally" launches a nuke our way with a shrug and a "Did I do that?"

CRYSTAL PEPSI

EARLY '90s:
Every so often, a major organization makes a colossal error in judgment that just about everyone else predicts well before the company's own inner circle of advisers. PepsiCo unwisely chased the trend of clear beverages with the short-lived Crystal Pepsi in 1992. Despite a rockin' Van Halen-backed commercial that co-opted the original video's politically conscious subtitles for such radically left-wing pronouncements as, "RIGHT NOW IMAGINE HOW AMAZING THIS TASTES," the product was clearly destined for failure. Soon, Van Halen became a revolving door for feckless lead singers, and the band's lack of musical direction reminded many political pundits of the woes of another crumbling empire: the U.S. A decade after its death, the Crystal Pepsi experiment was reborn as ...

NOW:
The Iraq war, an idea with similar merit that, unfortunately, can't be withdrawn from shelves and operates with far less transparency. The Choice of a New Generation of Jihadists.

MINESWEEPER

EARLY 90s:
In 1992, Windows 3.1 gave bored suburban moms everywhere a chance to sharpen their reflexes with the bundled game Minesweeper. Unable to break their carpal tunnel-exacerbating addiction, they were forced to upgrade continually to later Windows versions, filling the coffers of monopolist Bill Gates. Gates, wracked with guilt over his creation, decided his profiteering should instead be dedicated to ...

NOW:
The health and infrastructural problems of the Third World. However, The Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation has yet to take a position on the eradication of land mines. Coincidence, or insurance against rendering Windows Vista obsolete?

HYPERCOLOR

EARLY '90s:
Finally, a neon shirt that changes color with heat and physical impressions to leave indelible evidence of dance floor sexual harassment! The Hypercolor line burned into bankruptcy in 1992, but Americans who still owned the shirts and shorts kept their clothing functional for years by destroying the ozone layer with aerosols, SUVs, and rainforest plunder. There's nothing worse than a Hypercolor shirt on a cold day.

NOW:
The resurgence of Al Gore.

WHERE IN THE WORLD IS CARMEN SANDIEGO?

EARLY '90s:
Capitalizing on the success of the titular computer game, PBS aired Where in the World Is Carmen Sandiego? from 1991 to 1996. Ostensibly a game show designed to promote kids' knowledge of geography, the program fetishized the exoticism of foreign countries. The contestants and viewers entered college in the mid to late '90s, where they encountered dropping international airfares, ubiquitous ISIC card discounts for JYA students, and intensified academic interest in "Otherness." In hindsight, the show proved to be nothing less than a 30-minute advertisement for ...

NOW:
Globalization. The Rockapella-loving gumshoes of yesteryear are the hedge-fund imperialists of today, gaining deep market penetration by exploiting their exhaustive knowledge of foreign capitals.

BOXERS OR BRIEFS?

EARLY '90s:

In 1994's MTV "Rock the Vote" town meeting with President Clinton, a 17-year-old girl asked, "Mr. President, all the world's dying to know. Is it boxers or briefs?" Clinton's suave answer ("Usually briefs") seemed to cement his popularity with the youth, but critics felt the topic debased the dignity of the office. The girl's question about the president's underwear presaged Monica Lewinsky's own investigations into the matter, which prompted Ken Starr's prying cross-examinations into Clinton's botched real-estate deals and extramarital affairs. Apparently, there have also been a couple of inconsistencies in the Bush White House. But the nation has grown weary and frightened—all these scary adult problems! Hey, let's question an issue even seventh-graders should understand, like ...

NOW:

Evolution. Three out of ten GOP candidates don't believe in the theory, and in a survey of 32 European countries plus the U.S. and Japan, only Turkey had a lower public acceptance of the theory.

NSFW

EARLY '90s:

NOW: