You thought Conrad Black was bad? Meet the real degenerates of Britain's ruling class

THIS LITTLE PIGGY Convicted felon Lord Conrad Black shows his embezzling hand to reporters. He's got nothing on Britain's sex-crazed, drug-addled, degenerate, criminal aristocrats

Following Conrad Black's conviction on Friday for criminal fraud and obstruction of justice, politicians across the pond are now threatening to revoke the British lordship given him by Queen Elizabeth in 2001.

Black, who coveted the title so much he sued the prime minister of Canada for blocking his path to English nobility (and ultimately renounced his Canadian citizenship in order to obtain it), is clearly a rogue and a criminal who stole millions of dollars from innocent shareholders. He may spend the rest of his life in jail, but do his crimes warrant an expulsion from England's elite fraternity of aristocrats? A quick glance at a colorful carousel of British lords who dignified their titles with leather pants, porn stars, grenade launchers, and a colony of prostitutes suggests maybe not.

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The 10th Earl of Shaftesbury (Anthony Ashley-Cooper) 1938-2004
This descendant of a great 18th century philosopher had a philosophy of his own—enlightenment through booze and hookers. The Earl of Shaftesbury frequently abandoned his palatial estate in England for drunken, Viagra-fueled sprees through the brothels and bars of France. He was known to embark on such journeys clad in leather pants, pink shirts, and large red-and-black designer eyeglasses, brandishing large wads of cash and cheekily pronouncing to all: "I am the Earl of Shaftesbury. I am a millionaire."

He dated many women, including a Penthouse pet, and had three marriages that, of course, ended badly. It was his third, to a Tunisian prostitute, that did him in. The woman, who claims George Clooney and Bruce Willis among her conquests, responded to his desire to leave her for a Moroccan nightclub hostess he had allegedly impregnated by having him killed in 2004. The Earl of Shaftesbury's body was found in a ditch in the French Riviera.

Photos, in order of appearance: AP Photo/Canadian Press; Dave Chidley, AFP/Getty Images; Stephane Danna/AFP/Getty Images

The 6th Earl of Durham (Antony Claud Frederick Lambton) 1922-2006
Lord Lambton just loved smoking dope and screwing hookers two at a time. And if a hooker's husband hadn't documented this predilection with the help of a camera and a tape recorder embedded in the nose of a teddy bear, he would never have lost his job as undersecretary of defense for the Royal Air Force.

British investigators were particularly alarmed by his decision to pay a hooker with a personal check (this was before Jerry Springer popularized the move) and by pictures showing "sexual practices which deviated from the normal." Lambton publicly explained his motivation&mdash"People sometimes like variety. It's as simple as that."—and expressed bewilderment that it was such a big deal: "Surely all men visit whores?"

Official documents released in 2004 showed Lambton wasn't quite so flip with British intelligence agents trying to determine if his sexcapades had compromised national security. He advised that he was both frustrated with his job and despairing over a grueling battle to retain the right to be officially recognized as "Lord Lambton" even though he had officially renounced the title several years before in order to keep his seat in the House of Commons. According to officials, the dispute "had become an obsession with him" that could only be relieved through "frantic activity," which, in addition to Patrick Bateman-esque hooker romps, also drove him to become an "enthusiastic gardener." Lambton lived out the rest of his days dabbling in literature with his mistress in Tuscany.

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The 2nd Earl of Jellicoe (George Patrick John Rushworth Jellicoe) 1918-2007

The son of a renowned World War I hero and a World War II hero himself, the Earl of Jellicoe had it all: fame, wealth, political power, and lots of hookers. Jellicoe dodged a bullet early in his political career when his friend Queen Mary excused some career-threatening marital troubles and gave him what one friend called "a royal license to sin." The license later expired, however, when his hooker habit came to light at exactly the same time as Lord Lambton's more sensational piccadilloes (see previous). Jellicoe reportedly blamed his whoring on stress caused by his work processing Asian immigrants who'd been kicked out of Uganda by Idi Amin.

Jellicoe promptly resigned as Lord Privy Seal and Leader of the House of Lords, but the judge who investigated the case for possible breaches of national security later praised his discretion for using an assumed name and never talking business with his hookers. Furthermore: "He entertained them to a meal, and any sexual intercourse took place late in the evening and at his own flat and never elsewhere." Jellicoe was one of the few lords permitted by Tony Blair to remain in the House of Lords when he purged hereditary heirs in 1999.

Photos, in order of appearance: No credit; Central Press/Getty Images

Baron Moynihan (Anthony Patrick Andrew Cairnes Berkeley Moynihan) 1936-1991
According to one obituary of Baron Moynihan, "The most remarkable thing about his life is how he managed to avoid spending most of it in prison." Baron Moynihan started his life on the lam when he fled British bobbies and his nude model wife to evade an assault rap. He worked then as bongo player in Australia but ultimately found a more lucrative gig operating a chain of brothels in the Philippines. There he kept a grenade launcher in the trunk of his car and reportedly ducked a murder charge thanks to his close relationship with Ferdinand and Imelda Marcos. After the Marcos's were thrown from office, he escaped prosecution for a plot to build a massive marijuana plantation by squealing on his partner.

Moynihan eventually became married to his fourth and fifth wives at the same time; an unseemly scandal erupted after his death over who was the rightful heir to his lordship. Testimony about the late lords low sperm count knocked his children out of contention, and the lordship was given to the Moynihan's half-brother, the current head of the British Olympic Association.

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The 7th Earl of Lucan (Richard John Bingham) 1934 - ?
Lord Lucan appeared to be the epitome of an upright British aristocrat, what with his family home in Westminster, regal bearing, and sexy mustache. The dashing fellow also had a taste for speed boats and gambling, and after a particularly successful run in the casinos gained him both a sizable sum and the nickname "Lucky," he dropped his other career pursuits to become a professional gambler. He ended up having a rough go of it and eventually found himself living the life of a drunken, debt-ridden, wife-beating gambler. Perhaps in an effort to reduce his expenses and secure sole custody of his children, he hatched a plot to kill his mentally fragile wife. But Lucky Lord Lucan, a direct descendant of the man responsible for the famously doomed "Charge of the Light Brigade" somehow botched the job, brutally killing his children's nanny instead of his wife. Lucan has not been seen since that night in 1974, and his whereabouts remains the subject of much speculation.

Photos, in order of apearance: Keystone/Hulton Archive/Getty Images; Douglas Miller/Keystone/Getty Images

The 4th Earl of Kimberley (John Wodehouse) 1924-2002
The Earl of Kimberley is best known for getting married six times. Looking back, he explained the underpinnings of his romantic life: "Sex. I just couldn't think of anything else." He claimed success in that department—and was once caught naked in a cupboard by an angry husband—but reportedly also found time to indulge his love of tiddlywinks, UFOs, pig-breeding, and alcohol. The Earl traced his alcoholism to the final days of World War II, when he happened upon a large supply of Nazi champagne and stashed it away in his tank—an accusation that would make Hitler partly responsible for Lord Wodehouse driving his car up the steps of a hotel in Brighton, and possibly for the death of the pedestrian he ran over in Piccadilly. Amazingly, none of this mischief disqualified him from being a spokesman for the British Liberal Party.

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The 11th Earl of Kingston (Barclay Robert Edwin King-Tenison) 1943-2002
In Leaving Las Vegas, Nicolas Cage's character is asked if his drinking is a form of suicide, to which he replies, "Or is killing myself a way of drinking?" This upbeat world view would seem to apply to the approach to life taken by the Earl of Kingston. This scion of the Irish aristocracy comes from a long line of tragic figures&mdash:the drowning of one of his lordly predecessors was the inspiration for Milton's mournful poem "Lycidas." The subject of a bitter custody battle as a child, the Earl of Kingston grew up to become an accomplished boxer nick-named "Thuggers." He ran something described as a "mobile discotheque" and a public relations firm, and was seen judging pole-dancing competitions at a London strip club, drinking his way through his inheritance all the while. This last part appeared an easy task at times—to quote the Earl, "£600,000 isn't enough when you drink." But just in case it did turn out to be more than he needed, the fun-loving Irishman entered a fourth and final marriage before passing away, a union he described as "a marriage of financial convenience, so my son and daughter will not inherit my money when I die."

Photos in order of appearance: David McNew/Newsmakers; No credit

Baron Levy of Mill Hill, aka "Lord Cashpoint" (Michael Abraham Levy) 1944 - ?
Michael Levy is self-made man with "bouffant hair and high heel shoes" who made millions in the music industry thanks to his work with the likes of glam rocker Alvin Stardust and the ska band Bad Manners.

Levy befriended Tony Blair in the mid-1990s and soon became a close associate of the prime minister, earning a lordship in 1997. Though he's served as the British envoy to the Middle East for the last seven years, it's his work as the Labour Party's chief fundraiser that has earned him the most notoriety (and the nickname "Lord Cashpoint"). He has now been arrested twice for allegedly handing out of titles of nobility in exchange for donations to the Labour Party. His drive to raise funds reportedly led him to arrange for a porn actress and former Hugh Hefner girlfriend—posing with her husband as potential donors known as the "Count and Countess of Rozel"—to get a picture taken with Blair and receive a private tour of 10 Downing Street. Levy was called by a friend as a persuasive salesman who could "sell sand to the Arabs."

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The 35th Baron of Kingsale (John de Courcy)
1941-2005

Fans of the John Goodman masterpiece King Ralph will likely find themselves similarly enchanted by the late Irish Lord Kingsale. Though known to wear robes to help conceal his corpulence, Baron Kingsale was a working man of few aristocratic indulgences: "My main line of work is odd jobs. I am prepared to lend my hand to absolutely anything, however dirty or unpleasant." This attitude and need for money led him to hold many jobs—plumber, silage-pit digger, bingo caller, extra in the movie Cleopatra, and front-man for an Australian dating service.

A profile in the 1990s had him living in a dingy flat decorated with pictures of the nine-inch high ruins of his ancestral castle in Kinsale and a female star of the UK version of American Gladiators, chain-smoking Benson & Hedges, and contently decreeing "The world's my oyster." The lord's Who's Who profile listed "self-deception" as a recreation "because I consider myself important and nobody else does."