This Independence Day, Radar pays tribute to revolutions that flopped

Had George Washington bungled the job as badly as the failed revolutionaries below, we'd all be spending the Fourth of July at work, nibbling bland, floury baked goods over tea. So as you wash down your burger with a frosty cup of American Freedom this Independence Day, give thanks to our forefathers, those powdery wigged supermen who knew how to pull off a decent coup. And be glad we didn't have guys on the case like Tupac Amaru of Peru, who wound up getting ripped limb from limb by horses. On the following pages, a few revolts that didn't go as well as planned.

---

OUT OF AFRICA Simon Mann, left, the leader of a group arrested for trying to topple
the president of Equatorial Guinea. Right, Mark Thatcher arriving at
court with his legal team

Wonga Coup, Equatorial Guinea (March 2004)
Lost Cause These days, rich, white businessmen have good reason to think the world is theirs for the taking. But it turns out that overthrowing the dictator of an oil-rich African country for personal profit is still a bit of an over-reach.
Colorful Conspirator Former British special forces officer and alleged coup ringleader Simon Mann assembled a motley crew of South Africans, Armenians, Equatorial Guineans, and a German, basing his plans on a Frederick Forsyth novel, Dogs of War.
Worth Remembering Mann got busted for arms-running, but not before recruiting Margaret Thatcher's playboy son Mark to help finance the helicopters that transported his mercenaries.
Why It Flopped Equatorial Guinean authorities, who discovered the plot early on, arrested an advance party of 15 men, then gave Mann the stiff arm when he arrived at the Zimbabwean international airport with 70 soldiers.
Aftermath Mann was convicted of immigration offenses and illegal arms-buying; he served two-thirds of his four-year sentence—a cakewalk compared with the 34 years allotted to South African conspirator Nick du Toit. Meanwhile, Mark Thatcher was fined $500,000 and given a four-year suspended jail term. Later, he tried to get visas and residency in the United States and Monaco. Request denied.

The Jayuya Uprising, Puerto Rico (1950)
Lost Cause Much like upper Manhattan on the day of their parade, the Puerto Rican Nationalist Party wanted independence from the United States.
Colorful Conspirator Dr. Pedro Albizu Campos, who was elected President of the Nationalist Party in 1930. Imprisoned by the U.S.-appointed governor of Puerto Rico for "seditious conspiracy," Campos spent 10 years in an Atlanta jail and, upon his release in 1947, went home with plans for an armed revolt. On October 30, 1950, nationalist uprisings sprouted all over the island.
Worth Remembering President Truman prevented news of the uprising from reaching the mainland, claiming the conflict was "between Puerto Ricans."
Why It Flopped After the Nationalists took control of the town of Jayuya, the U.S. declared martial law and attacked the island with air strikes. Revolution crushed.
Aftermath Frustrated with the coup's failure and lack of media attention, Griselio Torresola and Oscar Collazo attempted to assassinate Truman at the Blair House in Washington, D.C. In less than 40 seconds the gunfight was over, Torresola was dead, and Collazo arrested.

Aaron Burr's Empire, United States (1804-1807)
Lost Cause The former vice president's scheme to form a large rival empire out of the American West and parts of Mexico.
Colorful Conspirator Wanted for murder after besting Alexander Hamilton in their famed duel, Burr fled New Jersey and headed south, where he planned a hostile takeover of America's newest acquisition, the Louisiana Purchase. He gathered hundreds of armed followers (trained and outfitted with private backing) and led them down the Mississippi River.
Worth Remembering The election of 1800 was one of the closest in U.S. History, with Thomas Jefferson winning office only after a tie-breaking vote in the House. Burr was on the other side of that tie, a fact that apparently drove him batshit insane, as Alexander Hamilton soon discovered.
Why It Flopped Co-conspirator James Wilkinson, the Governor of Louisiana Territory, hung Burr out to dry, and he was captured in February 1807. Aftermath Tried for treason then acquitted on a technicality, Burr crossed the Atlantic in a bid to rally support among Europeans for yet another plot. No takers.

Easter Rising, Ireland (April 24-29, 1916)
Lost Cause After the British reneged on a partial-sovereignty bill, Irish nationalists sought complete independence from Great Britain.
Colorful Conspirator Patrick Henry Pearse—poet, teacher, and Gaelic-language preservationist—led 1,500 fired-up nationalists in taking Dublin on Easter Monday. On the steps of the Dublin General Post Office, he was declared the first president of the Irish Republic. After five intense days of martial law and street fighting that led to more than 1,200 casualties, he surrendered unconditionally to the British.
Worth Remembering The rebels' heroics inspired poet W.B. Yeats to write "Easter, 1916." But Pearse, a poet in his own right, had this to offer before his execution, "We seem to have lost. We have not lost. To refuse to fight would have been to lose; to fight is to win."
Why It Flopped When the British discovered their plan, the Irish Volunteers were forced to cancel mobilization through most of the country. And Pearse was left holding the bag in Dublin.
Aftermath Despite several unsuccessful British attempts at control, the island's official government collapsed until the establishment of the Irish Free State in 1921, which in turn, led to Daniel Day Lewis.

Tupac Amaru II's Rebellion, Peru (1780)
Lost Cause After a few centuries of Spanish domination, indigenous Incans decided that it was time for independence
Colorful Conspirator José Gabriel Condorcanqui, great-grandson of the last Incan leader Tupac Amaru. After an unsuccessful petition to the Spanish government for improved working conditions for native people, he adopted his great-grandfather's Incan name, Tupac Amaru II. Then he organized a rebellion, seizing and executing the governor of his region, presumably tipping a forty to his memory.
Worth Remembering Now you know where the late rapper Tupac Amaru Shakur got his name.
Why It Flopped Captured shortly after his initial success, Amaru was forced to witness the execution of his family members. And when his own
execution by dismemberment was botched, he was dragged to death through the main plaza in Cuzco, the same place his great-grandfather had been beheaded.

Hungarian Revolution, Hungary(1956)

Lost Cause With Stalin out of the way, Hungarians thought they could rid themselves of the Iron monkey on their back.

Colorful Conspirator Hungarian Prime Minister Imre Nagy, though a Soviet-trained Communist, led a revolt of students and workers. After forming a provisional revolutionary government, Nagy abolished the secret police and the one-party system and began working toward withdrawal of Soviet troops.

Worth Remembering The Freedom Fighters' weapons ranged from guns and Molotov cocktails to kitchen utensils.

Why It Flopped Where are the Western defenders of democracy when you need them? (In this case, they were thinking only about the Suez Canal crisis.) Soviet tanks and troops roared into Budapest and—despite continued resistance—flattened the Revolution only weeks after it began.

Aftermath Thousands of rebel Hungarians were put on trial, imprisoned, or executed. 200,000 more fled the country. Nagy was found guilty of treason and shown the eternal door.

The Fiji Coup (May 19 -July 27, 2000)
Lost Cause An extremist nationalist party for "indigenous rights" was so angered by the election of Mahendra Chaudhry, an ethnic Indian, as prime minister they stormed the Parliament building in Suva, demanding abolishment of the multi-racial constitution.
Colorful Conspirator George Speight, a businessman who lost his chairmanships at two lucrative timber companies as a result of Chaudhry's policy reforms led the attack on Parliament, kidnapping the prime minister and 35 parliamentarians.
Worth Remembering Revolt runs in some families: Speight's father, a politician, took part in a 1987 coup for the same cause: "protecting" the rights of indigenous Fijians from the sizable ethnic Indian community.
Why It Flopped Despite some support from other Fijians, Speight and his gang couldn't gain control outside of the parliamentary complex. Two months later, they conceded to the nationalist military and gave up, but Chaudhry was never reinstated (see below).
Aftermath Coups are popular in Fiji. When the military staged their own takeover, they chucked the 1997 constitution and installed a new nationalist government with Fijian Prime Minister Laisenia Qarase. Accused of corruption, he was deposed in 2006 during his second term. Yet another coup.

Taiping Rebellion, China (1850-1864)
Lost Cause Impoverished Christian peasants, under the battle cry of gender equality and common property, rebelled against the Ch'ing Dynasty, destroying 17 provinces and taking more than 20 million over the course of 14 years.
Colorful Conspirator The rebellion's leader Hung Hsiu-Chuan, a former civil service candidate, believed himself to be the younger brother of Jesus Christ, sent to reform China. With his friend Feng Yun-Shan, he created the God Worshippers' Society, invoking Old Testament wrath to inspire rigid discipline in an army of over a million people.
Worth Remembering The Taiping capital at Nanking became the site of yet another bloody massacre in 1937, when the Japanese military infamously pillaged, raped, and looted the city.
Why It Flopped Backstabbing. The minister of state was plotting his own coup, which Hung eventually quashed, but the violent methods he employed sapped support. In 1864, a gentry-supported army eventually surrounded rebel-held Nanking and took the city, where almost 100,000 of Hung's followers fought to the death or killed themselves. Hung followed suit, choosing suicide over surrender.
Aftermath The Ch'ing Dynasty never recovered from the rebellion, which later inspired both Chinese Communists and Chinese Nationalists.