Power-spouse Gigi Grazer on Hollywood husbands and the 10-year ditch

starter wife \stahr-ter wahyf\ n: long-suffering woman who marries and emotionally supports a man through his lean years—maybe paying his way through medical school, or holding his hand while he auditions for non-speaking roles. Once he's reached the pinnacle of success and is making millions pumping lips full of collagen or gracing the silver screen, the starter wife is kicked to the curb in favor of a younger or more famous new mate. In Los Angeles, this often happens right before the 10th anniversary, as California law states that after 10 years, a husband can be made to pay alimony indefinitely.

to be Cruised \crooz-ed\ vb: to be canned just shy of one's 10th anniversary, in the manner of Nicole Kidman, who was discarded by Tom Cruise shortly before the decade mark. Coined by Hollywood mega-producer Brian Grazer.

Novelist Gigi Levangie Grazer, wife of Brian, may not have coined the term starter wife, but she certainly popularized it. First there was her New York Times best-seller about a fully plucked, manicured, botoxed Hollywood spouse who gets Cruised by her big-time studio exec hubby. And now The Starter Wife is a miniseries starring Debra Messing airing over the next six weeks on USA. The term is poised to become a permanent addition to the pop-culture lexicon.

Radar spoke with Gigi while she was driving around Los Angeles, though she warned us with a raspy giggle that she might be more PG than usual: "My kid's gonna be in the car. I hate to expose him to my working life. He thinks I just cook all day!" Gigi gave us advice on avoiding the pitfalls of starter wife- (and husband-) dom and navigating Hollywood men, and told us about how she was almost Cruised last year.

You know you're a starter wife when... "your husband starts wearing an earring, shaving his private parts, or listening to Ludacris."

Often the starter wife is the last one to know she's getting the ax. One day she's inviting Brad and Ang for mojitos and getting a brow lift; the next she's signing divorce papers and moving to (gasp!) the east side of what Gigi calls "the universally recognized border of La Cienega Boulevard." How do you know you're about to get dumped for the nanny (as was Robin Williams's first wife)? According to Grazer, like most things in Hollywood, the signs are superficial. If you hear "This is why I'm hot," emanating from the shower, which is littered with your middle-age hubby's pubes, call a divorce lawyer, stat.

Once you've realized you are the starter wife ... "check your prenup."

"Put it under a microscope," Gigi advises. "I know some women stash cash away every week" in anticipation of their future dumpings. The worst thing you can do, says Gigi, is grovel. "He's going to leave. Throwing yourself on the floor and wrapping yourself around his legs isn't going to help matters."

It also helps to have a job, but since most Hollywood wives consider managing their fleet of maids a full-time occupation, this might be a problem. Gigi is optimistic about the starter wife's prospects if she is willing to accept her fate. "It could be a blessing in disguise!" Actress Amy Irving, Steven Spielberg's first wife, is someone who made the starter wife stigma work for her. After contesting their prenup in court because it was allegedly scrawled on a napkin, Irving got an estimated $100 million from Spielberg even though they had only been married for about four years. Though she may have had trouble finding parts at first because people were afraid of offending her all-powerful ex, Amy continues to act in acclaimed films like Traffic and Thirteen Conversations About One Thing.

You can find your starter wife at ... "any Italian restaurant in Beverly Hills. There should be a lot of convertible Audis in the parking lot."

Where did Gigi meet husband Brian? "Actually, I met him at an Italian restaurant on Pico," she says, "That's not quite Beverly Hills, but close." If you're an actor or actress, another place to meet your starter is at a Hollywood bash, no matter how lowbrow it may seem. Hilary Swank reportedly met starter husband Chad Lowe at an after-party for an MTV Rock 'N' Jock game, while Reese Witherspoon snagged first hubby Ryan Phillippe at her 21st birthday party.

When your sugar daddy's stock drops ... "move on."

"The women cut their losses," Gigi says, "especially if they're hot and in their mid-30s. They're gone with no tracks left behind." According to Gigi, wives are especially eager to leave if there has been a scandal of any kind: "The wives are deeply disappointed." Michael Douglas was ditched by his first wife Diandra in 2000 when rumors of Michael's cheating and alcohol abuse reached a fever pitch. She was awarded an estimated $45 million for her troubles.

You can keep a Hollywood marriage intact by ... "having fun."

"Brian and I actually have a good time together," Gigi insists. What about the six weeks last year when the couple separated? After eight years and seven months of marriage, they put their 8,800-square-foot Pacific Palisades home on the market, and it looked like they were calling it a day. "Listen, we have mutual respect and love for each other no matter what," Gigi says. "So I got my alone period for six weeks when I got to read and go to bed early. We've been together for 15 and a half, 16 years [dating included], and it's not just because I'm a masochist."

Gigi thinks that Tom Hanks and Rita Wilson have the model Hollywood marriage. "Their relationship and family is really remarkable." Still, she emphasizes the difficulty of staying sane and keeping a marriage fresh in Tinseltown. "[Relationships] in Hollywood are worse than you think and better than you think. I just heard about a woman firing her nanny because she wouldn't spray-tan her. I don't know what makes people here so crazy. Maybe it's the sun."