Why Americans make the world's worst cheaters

BEHIND CLOSED DOORS Cheating on your spouse in Moscow will get you a shrug. In Memphis? Divorce papers. A new book sheds light on the local ins and outs of a global taboo

Wherever there are husbands and wives, there is extramarital sex. But the conventions of cheating are far from universal. Geography makes all the difference: In Indonesia, bored housewives take lovers for attention; In France, politicians do it to bolster their resumes. In her new book, Lust in Translation: The Rules of Infidelity from Tokyo to Tennessee, author Pamela Druckerman sets out to gain a deeper understanding of adultery as it's practiced—and tolerated—around the world. She found Japanese husbands who frequent fetish clubs to escape their sexless marriages; Hasidic Jews who justify their affairs by citing Biblical laws permitting concubines; Russians who think it's downright unhealthy not to get some on the side; and Americans who can't have a nooner without blubbering about it to their pastors.

The French suffer a lot when their partners cheat, but their grief isn't compounded by the utter shock that Americans experience. In America we have an expression: it's not the sex, it's the lyingFrom this diversity of depravity, Druckerman derives a few general principles: Love and fidelity aren't synonyms. Fear of God doesn't diminish the temptation of flesh. And, since a certain amount of cheating is inevitable, there's nothing to gained from wallowing in all that guilt. Are you listening, America?

RADAR: Your book is essentially a sociological study, but there are a few prescriptions, perhaps surprising ones. You say Americans would do better to be less honest about their affairs and feel less guilt over them.
PAMELA DRUCKERMAN: I didn't want it to seem like an instruction manual. I'm not telling anyone to cheat. I'm saying if infidelity happens—this American talking cure for infidelity, in which you tell your partner everything you did with your lover, down to the dirty details, might not be the best response.

Still, your advice really cuts against American conventional wisdom. I can't see Oprah agreeing with you.
In the last 35 years there's been an explosion in the number of marriage counselors in America. In 1970 there were 3,000 marriage and family therapists; in 2004 there were over 50,000. You now have an army of people preaching the doctrine that communication's the most important part of a relationship. Americans have developed an almost religious faith in communication. If they had a one-night stand four years ago, they might feel a burning need to confess, because they feel their marriages can't survive without total honesty.

Percentage Who Cheat Around The World

You portray France as having what you might call the ideal infidelity culture.
The French value communication too, but they assume that even in a healthy marriage some things won't be disclosed. So the fact that your partner has done something in secret is not the devastating part. The French suffer a lot when their partners cheat, but their grief isn't compounded by the utter shock that Americans experience. In America we have an expression: It's not the sex, it's the lying.

And a little extra-marital hanky panky is expected of politicians, to the point where if you're running for office and you've never cheated, it's a strike against you, correct?
What French people say, and there's an election going on now, is they want their leaders to be seductive. It's one of the qualities they seek in a leader. And seductive people ... seduce. There's a theory that the reason Jospin never made the leap from prime minister to president is that he wasn't sufficiently seductive. Apparently the only French president in modern memory who didn't cheat was Charles de Gaulle. And when Chirac came into office, it was said he tried to bed every woman that Mitterrand had slept with.

The French, especially the highly educated French, are very interested in who their political leaders are sleeping with. But it's not for moral reasons, it's to boost their own status. One way to show you're a political insider in France is to gossip about the sexual lives of the players.

What's the best predictor of fidelity?
Being a woman.

Not religiosity?
Religiosity doesn't seem to be a factor. The most religious countries in the world are in Africa, and they also have the highest rates of infidelity. If you compare France and America, France is probably the least religious country in Europe right now, and America is the most religious of the industrialized countries, but French people and Americans cheat equally. A better predictor is what your friends do. Infidelity is contagious. It's like smoking.

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