Radar Investigates
The World's Ugliest Awards
The Academy Awards are tired, but the Oscar statuette remains a design classic—unlike these 10 highly coveted atrocities
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THE GOLD STANDARD Oscar
One thing we continue to admire, however, is the statuette itself. Designed in 1929 by legendary MGM art director Cedric Gibbons, the Oscar is restrained. Though its Art Deco "crusader" is admittedly naked, he does not arch his back suggestively like the slutty Emmy or swivel like the Tony. He would never appear in public with Jimmy Kimmel like the American Music Award.
Most importantly, unlike the majority of award statuettes designed in recent years, the Oscar does not strain to be unique. It is not pointy or see-through or, in any way, an abstraction of a cowboy hat. The beagle and I would proudly display one on our $249.99 Bjursta sideboard from IKEA. The same cannot be said, however, of these 10 awkward designs, currently in tight contention for one of Radar's lowest honors, "The Ugliest Award in the World."
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The August Derleth Award BRITAIN It looks like a bodybuilding award for gargoyles, but the British Fantasy Society's statuette actually goes to outstanding fantasy novelists—who promptly start fantasizing that they've won something less hideous. |
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The Gemini CANADA We're guessing this Canadian television award is meant to be a visual metaphor for "the person behind the struggle to create the image." Or maybe for "the person behind the struggle to graciously accept a cheesy metaphor." |
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The Chicago International Documentary Festival Grand Prix U.S.A. See the face? Was this troubling sculpture inspired by a severe tension headache? Or just by some drag queen who decided to style his hair into a cone and wrap a bunch of film around it? |
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The Nibbie BRITAIN Above all, trophies should not be dangerous. In the wrong hands (say, ours), this monstrous pen nib, also known as the British Book Award, could easily be used to disembowel the beloved J.K. Rowling. |
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The Golden Bear GERMANY The fierce Berlin International Film Festival award is disturbing. How odd it must be to receive a statuette that so clearly yearns to maul you, yet—being a lump of indifferently sculpted, gold-plated feces—simply can't. |
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The International Highrise Award
GERMANY We get it. It's conceptual, a droll simulacrum of the countless renderings that go into a bold skyscraper design. That may be, but this distinguished architectural honor still looks unmistakably like clutter. |
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The Animex CANADA The Oscar is nothing if not tidy. Here we have a slovenly Canadian computer animation award that seems to think it's "cool" to leave its shirt and tie gaping. As if we've never seen bronzed chest hair before. |
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The Webby U.S.A. Originally designed to celebrate the "world's best websites," this lumpy spiral can also be used to honor the "world's most excruciating mattresses," or to add a grace note to a pile of trash. |
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The Edgar Allan Poe Award U.S.A. At first, we happily assumed this trophy was created to celebrate people whose eyes look exactly like their eyebrows. As it turns out, however, it's merely America's highest prize for mystery writing. |
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The Genie CANADA We can't be too critical of Canada's top film award, which appears to be the victim of an irresponsible surgeon. How else did it end up with no arms, one leg, and breast implants on its head? |
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Posted by: SgtZim on February 23, 2007 3:49 PM
It's not a cheesy metaphor, you twit, the Gemini astrological sign is represented by a set of twins, hence the two faces in the Gemini award. Get it? Twins? Two faces? Good.
And how did the Gemini end up on this list? It's a sleek, simple design and there's some thought behind it. The others are hideous beyond belief. What in God's name is the Genie supposed to be?