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MASH NOTES Nothing says "I treasure you, babe" like starch

A HEART-SHAPED POTATO
If you're looking for a rare spud with which to depress your lover, try eBay. But hurry: As of early February, only 21 of these sexy freaks-of-nature were available, with bids starting at $1. "Don't let this prize go to someone else," cautions 1052deb, a typical seller. "Who knows how many bags of potatoes will have to be opened to find something this romantic again?" Because, you know, rat-shaped potatoes just aren't romantic.