How radio shock doc Laura Schlessinger learned to stop worrying and love the gays

When Dr. Laura Schlessinger talks, 8.5 million people listen. That kind of responsibility can change a person: The same woman who once had an affair with a married man—and whose nude snapshots are all over the Internet—now lectures housewives on family values from her nationally-syndicated radio pulpit five days a week. The New York Times best-selling author and onetime Orthodox Jew has offended gays, single parents, and feminists alike with her high-handed sermonizing, but don't expect to hear any apologies. She's just trying to help. And, more often than not, she actually does. On the eve of her latest book release, The Proper Care and Feeding of Marriage, Radar got the good Doc talking about her fear of Hillary Clinton, Britney's genitalia, and why she (honestly) has nothing but love for homosexuals.

RADAR: You have a number of critics—
DR. LAURA SCHLESSINGER: Mostly critics!

Yeah. At least on the coasts. Why do you think you inspire such vitriol?
It's vicious! Methinks the lady protesteth too much. It's a Shakespearean moment if I've ever seen one. The amount of vitriol and hate and attacks indicate a tremendous amount of defensiveness. So why are people defensive? Because they are not leading their lives right, and they don't want to confront it, so they attack the messenger. It's different than from, say, conservative political pundits—that's not personal. People are getting pretty mean in that department, too, but that's not personal.

When a woman has 16 kids with 15 different men, and I'm saying it's not a good thing for the kids, that gets her mad. So instead of looking at the fact that maybe she should have had one father for those 16 kids, I get attacked for being judgmental, or mean, or stupid, or backwards, or all the dumb horrible things they say about me. But it doesn't bother me anymore, because I understand where they are coming from. It's not about me.

I don't allow personal attacks to keep me from my job. I take it very seriously. If I just wanted to be in the media, I guess I'd wear short, tight skirts. That's the easiest way to do itSo who is Dr. Laura?
I don't know what that means.

You said it's not about you. So who are you?
Well it's not about me—they don't know me. They just hear what I'm saying and feel stupid, bad, and judged.

Philosophically, I mean.
Well, my 21-year-old, 6-foot-3-inch son in the military says that I'm his role model for a warrior. I'm the person who has a commitment to the well-being of families and children. I don't allow people's emotions and political correctness to get in the way of that fact, and I don't allow personal attacks on me to keep me from my job. I take it very seriously. If I just wanted to be in the media, I guess I'd wear short, tight skirts. That's the easiest way to do it.

Like Ann Coulter?
Oh, does she wear short skirts?

I believe so. Are you not familiar with her body of work?
I am, but I've never seen her in a short skirt.

She loves them.
Well she's awfully thin.

She's famous for playing up her physical attributes to garner attention.
Oh. Well, gee, I like to use my brains. Brains just don't fill a sweater, I guess.

Which brings us to Britney Spears. There have been a number of high-profile divorces in America recently, particularly among young people—Britney and Kevin, Reese and Ryan, Kid Rock and Pam, the Hilton sister and what'shisname—what's going on?
I don't know why those people are getting married. I think their lives are in such chaos that they think if they get married something's going to settle down. But they don't get married out of love, and that's the primary thing. When women get sexual, it gets personal, even when it's not. And then they are devastated.

So the solution is to stay asexual until marriage?
Well not asexual—you hug and neck and talk and do things together. The orthodox of most religions—like the Orthodox Jews—they don't touch till they're married. Now, they don't wait two years to marry, but they spend all their time talking and getting to know each other and becoming friends.

Do you think Britney's marriage was doomed from the beginning?
These are not marriages; these are immature behaviors. Now she's walking around, flashing her, uh, private female genitalia for photographs. This girl has serious problems. We don't talk about marriage when we're talking about her.

What did you make of that flashing business?
There is something seriously wrong with that girl. It scares me that she's got two children.

So what's the diagnosis—and do you have a prescription for it?
Well, I don't know if she's on prescriptions, I really have no idea what she's doing. I have no idea. But she's totally out of control, and as the mother of two children, she's supposed to nurture and protect. It's kind of scary behavior.