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images/2006/10/chucky.jpg
TICKLE ME HELLMO Play time is over


6.Chucky (Child's Play, 1988)

Demon toy hell-bent on killing.

Played by: Animatronic doll

Kills with: Little plastic teeth.

Why we love love him: 170-pound cops with guns are no match for three pounds of plastic and a bone-chilling catchphrase: "Wanna play?"

Rationale for bloodlust: Batteries aren't required when you're powered by the voodoo spirit of a psychopath who died in a toy store.

Origin of disfigurement: Drunk imagineers.

Loosely based on: Rumors abound that Chucky was inspired by the "My Buddy" doll, a red-headed, 80s-era Hasbro toy. Good luck trying to get the jingle out of your head.

Sexual orientation: Voraciously straight. Chucky would have loved to violate Andy's mom (played by 7th Heaven's Catherine Hicks), but in those mini-blue Oshkoshes, even Ms. Camden was out of his league.

Achilles' Heel: Bullet to the head.

Up next: 2004's Seed of Chucky introduced Chucky's sexually-confused doll-child Glen/Glenda. We can only expect the franchise to continue addressing issues of sexuality with the same delicate touch.

Where are they now? One Chucky doll used in Child's Play 2 and 3 sold for $7,500 on eBay last March. The lucky bidder had some retouching to do, as the poor guy had "minor wear to the face and hands."





images/2006/10/jason.jpg
PUCKED IN THE HEAD Don't let this goalie catch you scoring


5. Jason Voorhees (Friday the 13th Part II, 1981)

Zombie mama's boy who drowned at Camp Crystal Lake returns to work out his anger on horny campers.

Played by: Warrington Gillete

Kills with: Anything pointy.

Why we love him: He's only one degree from Kevin Bacon, who was stabbed with an arrow by Jason's mom, Pamela, in part one of the series.

Rationale for bloodlust: Jason drowned because the counselors who were supposed to be watching him were off doing the nasty. His mother then died avenging his death. Now he's got to avenge hers. Seems reasonable enough to us.

Origin of disfigurement: He was born with hydrocephalus, or water on the brain, which causes an abnormal skull shape. Add that to being dead for 20 years and you'd wear a hockey mask too.

Loosely based on: The following three horror movie principals devised by Friday the 13th screenwriter Victor Miller: (1) Begin with an historical evil, some event in the past that threatens the present (Jason's drowning at the hands of shtupping counselors). (2) Create a landscape in which post-adolescents are on their own, beyond the help of the grownups (summer camp before it opens). (3) Kill anyone who has sex out of wedlock.
Not surprisingly, Miller went on to have a lucrative career writing for All My Children.

Sexual orientation: Anti-sexual.... He kills kids who have sex.

Achilles' Heel: A blow to the head will temporarily put him out. But should an electrical current from a lightning bolt or loose cable strike him while a metal rod is anywhere near his torso, he could foreseably survive. That's very unlikely, though.

Up next: A new installment about Jason's early years, slated for 2007.

Where are they now? After playing the young version of Jason in the 1980 original, 15-year-old Ari Lehman quit the business for good. He's now a Jewish reggae recording artist who goes by the name Ari Ben Moses. The dreadlocked master of various unpronounceable musical instruments has released several critically acclaimed albums, including Burning Bush and Hack Up Some Teenagers With a Machete.

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