Sheesh! I met Brad Pitt once for a minute. So why did I get blamed for breaking up America's sweethearts?

Until last winter, April Florio was just another hard-bodied Maxim model, living in relative obscurity in Cocoa Beach, Florida, with her fireman husband. Then, in February, In Touch ran a story quoting a guy named Mike Esterman, who identified himself as Florio’s agent. Yes indeedy, Esterman told the magazine, his client was the woman who had been spotted cavorting on the beach in Greece with Brad Pitt. Soon after, Us Weekly printed a series of photos of a couple holding hands in Greece, along with quotes attributed to Florio stating that yes, she’d spent three romantic days with Pitt, but that the two-time People's Sexiest Man Alive was, alas, not sexy enough.

“He tried to kiss me, but I shied away,” the magazine reported her saying. Then the whole thing unravelled. That couple in the photos? Not Brad Pitt or April Florio. Those claims that Brad confided to her that Jen’s smoking really got on his nerves? Florio now denies that she ever said any of those things to Us, though the magazine contends they’ve got it all on tape. These days Florio blames much of the meshugaas on the loose lips of Esterman, who for his part tells Radar that any statements he made about Florio to In Touch were with her express permission. Who to believe? We have absolutely no freakin’ idea, but we thought we’d give Florio a chance to relay, in her own words, her version of the affair that never was. [As told to Julie Bloom]

It’s funny. Before all this happened, every time I’d go out to eat, at the end of the meal, when the waitress would ask if I wanted anything else, I’d always say, “A million dollars and Brad Pitt.” I guess I can’t make that joke anymore.

Here’s how it went. Back in February, I started getting calls from my friends saying In Touch had been calling them. I guess the magazine heard that Andy Garcia was telling people that Brad Pitt and I had been having an affair for the past two weeks. A few days later, I started getting calls from neighbors in my hometown, Reading, Pennsylvania. My mother got calls, and her friend across the street said somebody came by and had been asking all the neighbors about me. So then, In Touch called this guy Mike Esterman, who was listed on my website as a friend. Mike’s a celebrity booker who gets models to appear at parties. I’ve met him once, when he booked me to appear at a party in Connecticut with Mike Mizanin from the Real World. So anyway, Esterman gets on the phone and talks to In Touch about me as if he’s my agent, and talks about how Brad and I are together without even asking me! And you know what? Throughout this whole time, In Touch never even tried to contact me.

I’d never said anything to Esterman about Brad Pitt, but apparently he told In Touch that I know him. Actually, I had met Brad once, in 2002, at a party that one of the camera guys from Ocean’s Eleven threw in L.A. We talked for just a few moments, and it was basically, like, “I’ve seen all your films.” “I’ve liked you ever since I saw Thelma and Louise.” I didn’t say, “I always wanted to bone you,” or anything. So then, I saw the magazine and I was just floored. Then the calls started pouring in, and people I knew starting saying, “I heard you were with him last week in Greece, and there’s this photo that looks so much like you.” But that girl in the photo isn’t me at all. It’s just a fuzzy picture of some chick. I guess if you look at my profile you’d think it could be me, but I think it could also be, like, 50 percent of the population. It’s not like I’ve ever even been to Greece. Now all my friends are asking me, “How does it make you feel knowing that Brad and Jen are probably sitting down right now going, ‘Who the hell is this girl?’”

So, In Touch comes out with the first story and then, without my consent, Us Weekly publishes those photos with quotes they attribute to me about Brad and Jen.

He asks me if I had made the whole story up and then tells me I look like such a liar. I’m blinking my butt off, which makes me look bad. But I really did have eye problems.

And those quotes make me sound like a raging bitch, right? I mean, they have me basically saying, “Brad told me that Angelina was hot and Jennifer sucks.” It’s ridiculous. I mean, I like Jennifer Aniston. I swear I didn’t say any of that stuff.

At this point I decided I should just call Us. I mean, none of the quotes they printed were mine. I called them up and told them, “I have met Brad Pitt once, but nothing happened.” So then, they sent this lady, Linda Marx from Miami, to come up to Cocoa Beach and interview me in a DoubleTree Hotel room. Before the interview she was really, really nice, and she said she’d take me to this club called Mansion next time I’m in Miami. But then the interview started getting really weird. It wasn’t even like a real interview. The lady didn’t even have a tape recorder. And she’s just like, “So you didn’t hook up with Brad Pitt?” and I’m like, “No,” and she’s like, “Why?” and I’m like, “Cause he’s as old as my mother, and I’m more into younger guys.” And then she went, “What would you do if Brad kissed you?” and I go, “I’d pull away — because, you know, we’re both married.” They also brought in a lady from a Clinique counter at a nearby mall to do my makeup for the photo. Even the Clinique lady’s like, “This scene is so weird.” The photographer they bring to the hotel is a weirdo too. After the interview we all have dinner together, and this guy says to me, “I think I could make more money off these photos in Europe. But, um, I need a shot of your legs so, um, can you take off your pants?” And I’m like, “You have got to be kidding me.”

So the Us lady comes and goes. And Us prints their story, and it’s so annoying because it makes me look like I made up the whole story about me and Brad. Then I go on the Donny Deutsch show. He tells me before it starts that he believes me and that I am the victim, but then during the show he makes me look awful. He asks me if I had made the whole story up and then tells me I look like such a liar. Also on the show I’m blinking my butt off, which makes me look bad. But I really did have eye problems. I almost went blind that weekend because my contact lenses were old. No one thought I was making the story up until I went on that show.

After all this I was just overwhelmed, but I also realized I could totally do this, not necessarily be involved in a scandal, but have the press calling my people and being like, “What was she thinking wearing that dress on the red carpet?” I could totally handle all that. Before this I had a few friends in New York, but going out to parties as a Maxim model, nobody really knew my name. Now I’ll meet someone when I’m there, and I’ll just say, “I’m April Florio,” and they’ll say “Oh, the chick with Brad.” I’m not exactly sure what people think of me, but a lot of people know my name and that’s a really cool thing. It’s funny, I’m actually wearing my “I’m Big in Europe” T-shirt right now. My mom got it for me.

Photo courtesy of the author