Want some happy news? We'll see what we can do!

• The Dow only lost 76 points! It was a lot worse this morning!
• Our neighbors to the north went to the polls today, and were probably super-polite about it! Democracy is cool!
• Those Somali pirates have not yet blown up their hijacked ship even though their self-imposed deadline has passed! Let's hear it for restraint!
• Jennifer Aniston and John Mayer are reportedly back together! We could not be more pleased!
• Apple unveiled some new laptops and noted that Steve Jobs's blood pressure is 110 over 70! Not too shabby!
• Anderson Cooper battled Dave Chappelle for Prince's guitar pick! So much awesome!
• TMZ claims this is the screenplay to the Sarah Palin porn flick! We like ours better! Probably because we made it up!

• Sex, Fires, More Sex
• At Madonna's Filth and Wisdom Premiere

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