THERE'S TOO MANY OF YOU CRYIN' Mommy Montag

On this week's episode of The Hills Heidi Montag's mom cried. And, let me tell you, I'll watch torrents of mascara mudslide off Audrina, L.C., and Stephanie Pratt anytime, but there's something about Darlene Montag weeping for the loss of her once larger-nosed, smaller-breasted daughter that just gets you in the gut. (Couldn't Spencer Pratt follow his own advice? "You got beef with the mom, you got beef with the daughter," son.)

In any case, Stephanie and Doug are continuing their liaison, including scandalous late-night DVD viewings. LC is not pleased, and Brody—eager to reclaim the screen time he lost once he stopped having his own late-night DVD parties with Lauren—plays the role of righteous dude avenger, calling out Stephanie for being a two-faced coffee-sharing trollop.

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