FEARLESS VAMPIRE HELPERS Heidi, Holly, Joe (inset)

It seems oft-jailed soft-core smut peddler and protector of the American Constitution Joe Francis has a new assistant: Holly Montag. That would be the older sister of Heidi Montag, who herself peddles a different brand of soft-core "entertainment" on MTV reality show The Hills. "Holly is fantastic, probably the best assistant I have ever had," Francis tells the New York Post.

Believe it or not, Francis might hot have sought out Montag on account of her impeccable resume: the Post also reports that as a result of his hire, Francis might appear on The Hills this season. He and Brody Jenner are gonna be such bros, dude.

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