Last night's Gossip Girl failed to deliver on the promise of last week. We expected a sadistic social-climbing Serena. What did we get? Dan Humphrey toiling over his writing supplement for Yale.

At least we got to relive Fashion Week, with a little adolescent intrigue thrown in. (Jealousy between young girls at Fashion Week? You don't say!) Leighton Meester, forced out of her acting comfort zone (smirking from across the room, delivering lines like "I'm the crazy bitch around here") was a mess, flailing her arms around and widening her eyes until they were bulging out, complaining—Jan Brady-style—about how it's always Serena, Serena, SERENA.

In other news, Serena's mom, Lily Van Der Woodsen, apparently took part in a "donkey show" in the carefree days of the early '80s. (Okay, we don't know for certain what's on the incriminating picture that Bart Bass had his private investigator dredge up on his new bride. We're not even sure what a donkey show means or is. But ... just imagine?) Oh, and young Jenny Humphrey, doing so very well in Blair's mom's atelier, is dropping out of fancy prep school to pursue a fulfilling career in fashion design, Serena is hanging out with a socialite named Poppy, Dan's love of literature landed him in the clink, and Chuck Bass called his father and then was sad because, sometimes, dads are busy, and generally speaking: parents just don't understand.

Everyone was young and gay and wore bright green dresses and drank premium champagne. Thank God for this fine show about attractive rich teenagers and the website administrator who loves them [And the readers who read about them, Paige. Jesus!—Ed.].