French First Lady Carla Bruni's recent discussion about the number of sexual partners she's had in her lifetime has been a godsend to many in the media, providing as it does a time-tested topic for debate during an otherwise slow season. The Internet is abuzz as various philosophers grapple over how many people you've done it to is too many people to have done (or been done by). The argument is academic, since the whole thing was already settled several years ago, by me, at a bar on Third Avenue. Here it is:

The number of sexual partners that makes you officially promiscuous is always one more than the current number of sexual partners you've had. Unless you're a woman, in which case any number greater than one means you are a total slut.

I'll be here for another hour or so, let me know if you there's anything else I can clear up.