PRECIOUS MEDAL Volleyball players

Anyone who has spent some time watching the 3,600 hours of Olympics coverage foisted upon us this summer is no doubt aware of the Games' dirty little secret: a good deal of the competitions are total bullshit. No matter how forcefully NBC tries to say that beach volleyball is an athletic endeavor worthy of our time, it doesn't change the fact that it's mostly a ritualistic ass-slapping ceremony better left to the oiled-up hardbodies of Venice Beach. (Which isn't to say it doesn't require raw athleticism. It does. But so does running the Gauntlet in American Gladiators, and I don't see Wolf in Beijing.)

Know what other competitions aren't sports?

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