CHILD'S PLAY! Barack

• Murderer, they wrote: Get a load of this guy. Barack Obama isn't just the Messiah. He's also guilty of infanticide!

• China crisis: Officials beefed up security in the wake of a pre-Olympics attack that killed 16 Chinese police officers.

• Little old me?: Mary-Kate Olsen's lawyer issued a statement proclaiming her innocence in Heath Ledger's accidental death by drug overdose. Still, MK's demanding immunity before she says anything more.

• On the records: The California Department of Public Health reports that more and more UCLA Medical Center employees are guilty of prying into celebrities' medical records. More than 100 workers are implicated in the growing scandal, which includes the records of such national treasures as Britney Spears, Maria Shriver, and Farrah Fawcett. Really, who can blame them?

CLICK HERE FOR MIND-BLOWING AWESOMENESS: Morgan Freeman update; Freddie Mac hindsight; and sorority chicks!

• That "Obama Is Too Fit" Article Was An Even Bigger Pile Than We Thought
• Audrina Lets Slip a Teensy Hills Secret

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