How many jokes about female anatomy can we fit (Phit?) into an item about The Perfect Vagina, the BBC's upcoming documentary about the boom in vaginal cosmetic surgery among British women? Here goes: "Why even beat around the BUSH? If there's nothing else on the BOX that night, The Perfect Vagina should make for pretty compelling television! Besides, it's better than watching reruns of The Office on the BOOB (Fallopian) TUBE. If nothing else, The Perfect Vagina is sure to fill a GAPING HOLE in the otherwise boring summer television schedule. Either way, it beats sitting around and staring at the CARPET."

We will now go back to pretending like we're not 14 years old.