• Engaged: The Obama campaign has offered Bill Clinton a speaking role at the Democratic National Convention! And he's accepted! All is forgotten. The Democratic party has healed ... except for that pesky matter of a possible convention roll call for Hillary Clinton's nomination.

• Party over: Syed Rahman, a 24-year old bar worker, has confessed to killing a woman who attended Li'l Kim's birthday party at a nightclub and was left for dead on the club's roof.

• Money problems: The McCain campaign says it will return $50,000 in heavily scrutinized campaign contributions solicited by the Jordanian business partner of chair of the Florida Republican party, Harry Sargeant III.

CLICK HERE, IT'S EASY: Protecting Obama; wedded Jewel; and something about the Olympics!

• Assassination vacation: A man is being held in Florida after allegedly threatening to assassinate Barack Obama.

• Meant for her: Remember that annoying Jewel woman? The singer? Yeah, she married some rodeo champion Thursday night, which is actually kind of rad. No word on whether she read from her amazing book of poetry at the ceremony.

• More of the same: The EU has tightened sanctions against Iran for continued nuclear naughtiness.

• Wait time: The White House press corps had their charter plane detained for almost three hours after landing in Beijing earlier today. Usually everyone gets to hop right off, so this was a total bummer. God, we're sick of the Olympics already, and it's only opening day.