• Swing Lo: Michael Lohan is reportedly shopping his paternity test story around to the tabs, without much success.
• Hate the player: Vogue intern and hockey thug Sean Avery will be moving from his beloved New York to comparatively unfashiony Texas. He's signed on for four years with the Dallas Stars, at about $4m per, which should buy plenty of designer cashmere socks for his jacking off needs.
SURE, THERE'S MORE: Limbaugh booty; more bears; sucky movies!
• 'Til death do us part: Clear Channel has signed Rush Limbaugh to spew across airwaves for another eight years for $400 million. "I'm not retiring until every American agrees with me," Limbaugh told his listeners. So yeah, he's not retiring, ever.
• Bear it: More adorable cuddly bears! This one on Wall Street, neither cuddly, nor adorable.
• Disconnection notice: In the UK, an Internet service provider is sending out letters to customers threatening to disconnect them if they engage in illegal file sharing. Time Warner wondering if this could be the new excuse for their spotty service.
• Halfsies: The year is half over, and Variety notes that movies this far have been lamer than ever—so lame they're not even Oscar-worthy. Except Wall-E. That robot is making everyone jizz.