• Tears of a clown: After squabbling with Whoopi Goldberg over whether it's ever okay to drop the n-bomb, Elisabeth Hasselbeck did what any sensible white girl would do when menaced by an outspoken black lady: she cried.

• We would do the same thing to avoid spending time in Ohio: "Convicted fire fiend Peter Braunstein, who got an extra 23 years in prison today courtesy of Ohio authorities, vowed he'll never serve out the sentence because he plans to 'orchestrate my own murder' while behind bars." Knock yourself out, Pete!

• The title on this one pretty much says it all: "White Supremist Gets Ass Handed to Her for Wearing 'Obama is My Slave' T-Shirt"

• There bad!: The 10 best misspelled tattoos ... from "FRUNK" to "AWSOME." For more of the worst of the worst, check out our very own photo gallery.

• McCain's randy Catholic advisor: What happens when you put together a Fordham professor, a depressed orphan in his class, and multiple rounds of tequila shots at Tortilla Flats? Just another night in the city, unless that professor happens to be Deal Hudson, John McCain's current Catholic advisor, in which case you have a skeleton in the closet.

• Job insecurity: Tech and sales positions totally rock right now! But the construction and housing industry are apparently as "recession-proof" as George Costanza's hairline. Yes, that was a George Costanza joke. Remember Seinfeld? They don't make 'em like that anymore.

• If only they stuck to the Shocker...: The NFL has hired "experts" to analyze whether football players are flashing gang-related hand signs, which are "menacing gestures" according to the NBA Commissioner. Someone has to tell all those middle schoolers to please STOP making that BLOODS finger sign IMMEDIATELY.

• Kanye calls out the infidel: Some asshole blasphemed that Kanye West, the self-styled Pope of Hiphop, was guilty of hiring a "writer of the night" to update his personal blog in his holy absence. Kanye has adopted the unimpeachable Myspace method of self-identification: posting a picture of himself at his altar, er, Macbook Air.

• Blogs to riches: Christian Lander's satirical blog "Stuff White People Like" has produced a New York Times best-seller of the same name.

• Vaginal sodomy is okay then, right?: Facing a tough reelection bid, Oklahoma County Commissioner Brent Rinehart has personally written a comic book supporting his campaign. In it, he names his enemies with stunning precision: "pedaphiles [sic], polygamists, and homosexuals who practice anal sodomy."