IF YOU LOOK TOO CLOSELY AT THIS PICTURE YOU WILL GET PREGNANT Spears, Federline

• Britney settles again: In a victory for serial impregnators everywhere, Kevin Federline got sole custody of the two kids he put in ex-wife Britney Spears' womb. Federline celebrated the settlement by knocking up a court reporter, a female bailiff, and a woman thousands of miles away in Davenport, Iowa, who will never be able to convince her friends and family that she had no idea how it happened.

• "Quentin, your spelling is fucking atrocious": Cineaste Susannah Breslin reviews the screenplay for Quentin Tarantino's Inglorious Basterds. The whole damn thing is online; hurry before The Man makes them take it down.

• Dark-ness Prevails
• Elle's "Beat the Recession" Tricks

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