• Sounds bad: Christian Bale has asked for privacy following charges filed against him by his family. For the record, Bale was accused of verbal assault, which we like to think of as a good method of persuasion.

• So killer!: A convicted murderer endorsed Barack Obama for president before being executed, saying he was death row's "best bet." Obama says the death penalty should be reserved "only the most heinous crimes," like, oh we don't know, being Ashley Dupré?

• Don't rub a bear the wrong way: Or they'll maul and eat two men, as they recently did in Russia, where they apparently lack adequate coverage of our ursine pals.

WE'RE PRETTY SURE THERE'S MORE: Mariah on the road; a sad Brit; and 50's nacho bitch, Taco Bell!

• Mimi, re-re-emancipated: Mariah Carey promises that her tour, which is scheduled to start in November, will be "elaborate." Which is all we can really ask for.

• The Tory with no bike: British opposition leader David Cameron looked on in horror as some teenage hoodlums got off with his prized mountain bike. Suddenly all those memories from boarding school came flooding right back.

• Crunch on this: 50 Cent is suing Taco Bell for using his name in a hip-hop-themed advertisement. We're just glad someone is finally holding the fast-food company accountable for their many misdeeds (those "stuft" burritos clearly aren't grilled).