How's the economy? It's sooooo good that people are stealing everything off the street that isn't chained down and selling it for scrap metal prices. Today, the New York Times rehashes the epidemic of theft of manhole covers in Philadelphia, first ably reported earlier this month by the Philadelphia Inquirer. (Ha, the Times even re-interviews some of the same people.)

But yes, in America's cities (including delightful Phoenix!), roving gangs of thugs, probably in full clown makeup, are stealing dozens of manhole covers a night—no easy move, as the lightest weigh 150 pounds. (Drain covers weigh less!) The scrap metal resale price of each tops out around $10, which suggests a few things. For instance, that the thieves are doing it for a love of anarchy and disruption, or else they'd be spending their days harvesting copper from empty houses, á la Denis Johnson's Jesus' Son. Lock up your lightbulbs, kittens, and curbside mailboxes, America! In the new Mad Max economy, everything is for sale by whomever grabs it first. Everyone is a freegan now!