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< BACK TO Fresh Intelligence The Charlie Sheen Wedding Disaster
For one thing, there is the matter of Sheen's hair. He has a Supercuts-worthy flop of hair that has literally not changed in years. Sometimes in a breeze, it blows back off his head just a little? But in every single photo taken of him in this decade, those irksome three or four strands fall over his forehead, descending from an unparted, fake-casual cut. What's particularly eerie about his hair is that it is the ultimate wash-and-go lesbian dustmop. This hair that he carelessly wore to his Beverly Hills wedding is the very same hair that has bopped from orgy to orgy with over the years. Below the hair, and below his oddly-leering face, there is the matter of his oddly-shiny black suit. Surely he has some wealth remaining from his star turn in All Dogs Go to Heaven 2? The nicest thing that can be said about this suit is that it photographs poorly. What's more, he clearly cannot even bring himself, at his own wedding, to even keep his shirt buttoned. His 90s-style fat and formal neckwear, which looks to be tied in a rapidly-disassembling Half-Windsor, must have only been properly situated around his over-large neck for all of 15 minutes. The huge amount of light coming from the photographer's setup—see how much white bounce they achieved from the bride's gown and teeth?—actually creates a deep shadow along Sheen's neck, as his collar loosens and his tie comes more and more undone. And so we see that this is a portrait of a man in crisis. A man who cannot keep his suit coat buttoned and cannot keep his tie tied for his own wedding pictures is a man who has deep reservations about being married at all. THERE'S MORE! SOME RECENT RADAR FEATURES YOU MIGHT ENJOY: 
and miss sicha would know! Just look at how chuck kaiser was dressed in their wedding photos, no wonder it lasted only six days. Posted by: yoko on June 4, 2008 11:08 AM God help me, it has bee a short bus week, but Choire and Balk, together again? I will pay cash money to keep this up. And this rant is twenty two shades of awesome. Posted by: karion on June 4, 2008 12:55 PM @karion: Pass the collection plate my way, sister. Posted by: jolie on June 4, 2008 1:19 PM Charlie kept it classy, though. At no point did he trash the hookers he's loved before .. Posted by: RonMwangaguhunga on June 4, 2008 1:40 PM Advertisement I really have to read tumblr more often and carefully and not just for Balk's music picks. I really don't think it is all that much to ask that they send out some sort of batsignal when this kind of thing happens. Pretty hard to be a groupie when you don't know where to group. Posted by: karion on June 4, 2008 1:41 PM Charlie is such a collosal prick, he will die old and alone. How he EVER got Denise we will never know. Let's hope he has a huge dick or at least a really talented tongue?? How do these assholes keep getting these beautiful great women?? I guess they like to think they can fix him, if he only had a good understanding woman, he could be the man they envision him to be. Good luck to the bride!! Posted by: road rash on June 4, 2008 3:52 PM Charlie Sheen has shown his "new wife" and the world who he is. To think Brooke Mueller is trying to change Sheen is naive. She understands who he is and what he will mean to her. Sheen will pay her bills, through child support payments, for the next 18 yrs. Mueller will get a house in the Hills and a luxury car out of the "deal". She also gets sudo-fame. What she will give up in this trade is her dignity-just like the other foolish ladies before her. Posted by: jdylan on June 4, 2008 9:19 PM Phffffft! Oh please! Leave Charlie Sheen alone! The guy can still game, and get away with it. From what I can see, all these females that have shared time with him whether casually or legally have all been consenting adults!!!! You get what you agree to, and if they went into a relationship with him or any man thinking the ultimate stupid concept that their imagined magic 'gyna' was going to change him, then who's the idiot here???? When will women learn to either love and accept a man for who he is, or walk the fuck away. YOU CAN EXERCISE AN INFORMED DECISION AS AN ADULT....and I love Charlie Sheen....He is who he is and he's honest about it. I can respect that much more so than some sexually frustrated, in the closet, homosexual televangelist who touts himself to be a saint, takes money for Jesus, and spends it to sport fuck in a hotel..... Posted by: MaryX on June 5, 2008 3:54 AM |
    
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