Busy week for the Brangelina bunch. Birthing twins, then shoving them buns back in the oven. But with the pregnancy confirmed and the C-section scheduled/ natural childbirth plan all ready/ birthing tub rented/midwives and Shaman on call, the still in-utero Brangie babies earn lots of tabloid ink.

According to Star and In Touch, Angelina Jolie just keeps collapsing from a host of various pregnancy problems—preeclampsia, gestational diabetes, banana peels left behind by paparazzi. We especially like the photo in Star where Angie is being helped to her feet by Brad and U2 rocker The Edge; we would trip more often if these guys would pick us up. Both mags claim that docs keep trying to put the Changeling star on bed rest and that Brad keeps "freaking out" about her health.

Meanwhile, OK! boasts an info box about how her boobs kept falling out of her Maz Azria dress at the Cannes Film Festival. An Angie Insider tells OK! "Her stylists kept double sided tape on them to keep those suckers in place!"

Borrowing a page from Us Weekly's "I'm gonna tell!" playbook, Life & Style gathers a gaggle of old clips, various sales clerks, and Angelina-daddy Jon Voight to set the record straight on several mis-reported details:

• Babies NOT born—proving once and for all to Entertainment Tonight that wishing for things à la The Secret is not really very good journalism.

• Despite reports that the babies are girls, an "insider"/store owner claims that on May19, Brangie bought unisex white baby wear (which you can purchase for a mere $86 from aforementioned insider). And no one knows the baby names despite multiple outlets reporting that when the twins were fake-born last week they were named Isla Marcheline and Amelie Jane.

• Angie's Kung Fu Panda co-stars Jack Black and Dustin Hoffman perhaps got her due date wrong when they told reporters (Hoffman and Black are not only not treating Jolie, but are not even doctors).

And Us Weekly fashions a cover item out of verbatim quotes from Angie's July Vanity Fair interview placed in colorful boxes. Why not just buy VF? Well, while Life & Style points out on its cover that it's still $1 less than Us, Graydon Carter's book is 51 cents more than Janice Min's. Plus if you go with Min's mag you don't have to read about Cuban baseball players or Bill Clinton.