• Daddy dearest: Michael Lohan says that his ex Dina receiving a "Top Mom" award is a "joke.... She comes stumbling out of Butter at 3:15 a.m. with bloodshot eyes and a red runny nose." Dina calls him "infantile."

• Drop deadline: Hillary Clinton campaign officials say that this whole ordeal will be over by June 15.

• Our Facebook, who art in heaven: Pope Benedict and the Catholic Church will be reaching out to the youth of the world, sending them inspirational text messages and creating a Catholic social networking site. The "Catholic Facebook" will also prove useful to priests who like young boys.

SURE, THERE'S MORE: Epstein thinks of running; someone else criticizes Hillary's fashion; and platypuses!

• Getaway vehicle: Alleged molester and money manager Jeffrey Epstein apparently thought about pulling a Polanski and fleeing to Israel (not France), rather than face charges of soliciting sex from prostitutes.

• Getting dirty: An Iraqi cleaner and two cooks are alleging they were sexually abused and harassed while working at the British Embassy in Baghdad.

• Kick her while she's down: Donatella Versace gets in on the Hillary Clinton fashion bashin', saying, "She could dress a little more feminine. She doesn't have to wear pants to show she is strong. She can wear a dress." Whatever Donatella, you're just jealous she was more favorably portrayed on SNL.

• Turn on, tune in, drop out: Congressional Democrats are again looking to tighten regulation of TV commercials for prescription drugs.

• Trippy: Platypuses are weird, man. Totally weird.