If ever the current presidential race become too much to bear, you can always vote for Dr. Steven M. Hoefflin, aka "Doc Hollywood"—so named for his famous plastic surgery clients and job consulting on the Michael J. Fox turkey of the same name.

Sure, Hoefflin has a closet full of skeletons—and that's not just a reference to his lipo clients. He has been accused of everything from sexual harassment of his own employees to assaults on his famous clients (and their genitals), but he was totally cleared of all of that nasty stuff years ago. Still unclear is whether the latest horse in the prez race is also the man responsible for misplacing Michael Jackson's nose or turning the King of Pop white.

What, like Hillary Clinton's some kind of saint?

Hoefflin, it should be noted, has gone on to helping learning disabled kids! Well, he plans to. He's the guy behind the The Hoefflin Child Education Institute, which is "an international research and Genius Educational Super Skill's Training Center." He's developed "Brain-glish, A New Intellectual Way to Communicate with Your Brain" (and the books and DVDs that go along with it). His programs facilitate "Learning to rapidly develop a photographic memory using 'Magical Memory Stickers.'" Presumably, they're glittery and puffy and might even glow in the dark. Technically, the learning disabled kids' center is his plastic surgery center (same phone number, same location), but upshot: Free breast implants with tuition!

Parents might be turned off by his slew of, let's call it, bad press. In 1996, he was sued by four former employees for sexual harassment. He settled with them for $42,500 each. But during a fight with two other former co-workers, plastic surgeons at his Santa Monica practice, the ex-employees allegations surfaced again. They said Hoefflin drugged, stripped, and mocked famous patients. Sylvester Stallone allegedly walked in on Hoefflin in the middle of his operation on Sly's then girlfriend Angie Everhart and demanded that she be given bigger breasts, allegedly telling the doctor he wanted them "big but perky, kinda like a 17-year-old." The doc allegedly complied against Everhart's wishes. (She later had the surgery reversed.)

One of his former co-workers also said he tricked Michael Jackson into paying for surgeries he didn't actually perform by knocking him out for just a few minutes and moving the clocks ahead hours. That one actually sounds like good judgment. But the ex-employees also said, he de-pants the King of Pop and checked out his junk—he was accused of doing the same thing with Elizabeth Taylor (hey, can't fault him for having a type). And he's been accused of scoping out Don's Johnson, too, and remarking to his co-workers of the Miami Vice star's tool, "Why would a beauty like Melanie Griffith settle for that?"

He's vigorously denied the charges and sued those who repeated them in the press until he was eventually cleared of any wrongdoing by the medical boards through which he's still certified. UCLA med school, from which he claims to have graduated first in his class in 1972, wouldn't verify his graduation without his permission. He also claims to have served as the Chief of Plastic Surgery at Brotman Medical Center in California, but that center doesn't currently have a plastic surgery program, nor does it have employment records that date as far back as 1980. At least one longtime employee of the center remembered Hoefflin showing up and claiming to be the plastic surgery chief but said the center didn't have a program or patients then, either.

Hoefflin didn't return repeated calls and e-mail from Radar seeking comment on his presidential bid. He's stated that he's suspending his practice to do so and writes on his website from his Acapulco home that he'll be running as an independent under the "We the People" moniker. "As a doctor and as a humanitarian I feel that 'We the people' are not of one country, we are of the world," Dr. Hoefflin writes. He claims both Mexican and US ancestry and that his great, great uncle was Chihuahua governor Enrique Creel. His great, great grandfather, he writes, was Ninth U.S. President William H. Harrison (and also went to medical school). His great grandfather, he says, Benjamin Harrison, was the 23rd President of the United States.

It's not too late to register for the November 4, 2008 election ... or do something about those laugh lines.

PREVIOUSLY
• Meet the Also-rans: Jonathon the Impailer
• Meet the Also-rans: The 'Just Makes Sense' Candidate