If you're anything like us, yesterday's news that Facebook had introduced a supposed "Stalker Feature" sent waves of panic down your stalker-y spine. After all, the hallmark of Facebook has always been its anonymity—news that exes were now aware that their profiles were obsessively checked (by you!) each morning before work had users everywhere saying in earnest: "We are never searching for anyone on this thing again."

Hours after Gawker broke the story, Facebook released a statement clarifying what, exactly, the five names that suddenly popped up in your search box indicated:

• Sue Simmons Personally Apologizing to Every F***ing Viewer
• Rove: Hillary Clinton Won West Virgnia Because Old Man Once Went To Klan Meeting

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