• Don't say: "Not so much," "Internets," "The Google," "Oh noes," "fersh," "totez," "lol" (unless referring to cats), "Wow. Just, wow," or "YouTubes." Or "I just threw up a little in my mouth."

• No more than one post per day on the entire World Wide Web about Julia Alison (including her own blog/twitter/tumblr).

• A site may only post a clip by Olbermann/Stewart/O'Reilly if they've gone at least an hour since their last post.

• Two words: Taylor Hicks.

• Please make five content-related comments before attacking another commenter's sexuality/IQ/mother/etc.

• Rape/murder/brutality/natural disasters are not funny, even when they happen in Asia.

• If Perez didn't break it, Perez shouldn't get the link.

• The word douche is the exclusive property of Gawker Media.

• If you're writing about someone whose side hasn't already been well represented, call him.

• Other things that should never be done: "give you up, let you down, run around, desert you, make you cry, say goodbye, tell a lie, hurt you"