Last night's marathon finale of American Idol encompassed the best and worst the show has to offer. Defying expectations, the show named former bartender David Cook its season seven winner in the very last minute of a 120-minute bore-a-thon, which proved that occasionally the show does get something right, even if it spends the bulk of the season keeping viewers mired in frustration and annoyance.
Up until the coronation of Cook over David Archuleta as the latest Idol, the never-ending finale was ineffably droll—pointless filler devoid of personality and with questionably talented contestants (talking to you, Amanda Overmyer—you are not as talented as you think you are); painful choreographed "dance" numbers; egregious product placement; and presumptive judging. All of which only served to stretch the show into a ginormous snoozefest, until roughly the 107th minute, when George Michael appeared on stage to save us all.
Host Ryan Seacrest opened the show by teasing viewers at home with the knowledge that one of the remaining two Davids garnered 56 percent of the vote and the win. The show recorded a series-high 97.5 million votes, and Cook beat little Archie by a margin of just 12 million votes, but that wouldn't be known until after two hours of musical and "comedic" torture.
Among the more acutely awful aural and visual assaults viewers were forced to endure before the still-smoking hot Michaels took the stage (to promote his North American tour, natch): Several less-than-stellar performances by "professionals" including Donna Summer and OneRepublic; a laugh-free skit and sketch with Mike Myers as the Guru Pitka, the title character from his new movie The Love Guru; a non-needed stand-up routine from Jimmy Kimmel; and a VERY unneeded appearance by clueless tryout Renaldo Lapuz, who you might remember for his original composition during the auditions, "We Are Brothers," performing with, for reasons unknown, a marching band.
Had all of this not occurred, it have actually made some performances worth paying attention to, like Cook's excellent guitar-and-vocal duet with ZZ Top on "Sharp Dressed Man"; new singles from former Idol champs Jordin Sparks and Carrie Underwood; and a relatively funny skit with Ben Stiller, Jack Black, and Robert Downey, Jr., pretending to audition as Pips for Gladys Knight ahead of their new move, Tropic Thunder. But as they were interspersed with the aforementioned torture devices and myriad other filler too middle-of-the-road to mention, one hardly had the energy to enjoy them.
When the moment of truth arrived, those still alive and breathing were rewarded for their loyalty and patience. When Seacrest asked each judge for their final comments of the season, judge Simon Cowell apologized to Cook for "being disrespectful" the previous night and admitted that upon watching the show back at home, the winner wasn't as clear cut as he and his fellow judges, Randy Jackson and Paula Abdul, had called it. Cook, through his possible guyliner, seemed genuinely shocked by the admission, while the ever-pleasant Archuleta seemed to work a little harder to keep his sweet smile looking sweet. Was the "disrespect" by Cowell purposefully done to motivate the Cook fan base? If so, it worked—when the votes were tallied, it was Cook, and not the judge's pet Archuleta, who received the confetti rainstorm.
And with that non-expected maneuver, American Idol ensured it can still light up phone lines across America—in this case, with either outraged Archuleta fans who thought this one was in the bag or ecstatic Cook fans who had lost hope—and will no doubt hold a captive audience when it returns for season eight in January 2009.