The top headline of today's Wall Street Journal reads "U.S. Slump Takes Global Toll," and the story delineates the ways in which countries that have made investments on the theory that U.S. consumers won't ever stop buying new iPhones even in the teeth of a recession are now facing serious problems. But that doesn't tell the whole tale of how the economic downturn is affecting the world: the Journal somewhat buries the more devastating news of the recent economic collapse further down the page, where it poses the biggest question facing Wall Street these days: will the Bear Stearns lacrosse team be able to survive?

Feel the poignance:

"Bear Stearns players are trying to keep the team together even though the firm, a casualty of the subprime debacle, is being sold to J.P. Morgan Chase & Co. Garssen Wong, 31 years old, who played for Division II champs C.W. Post and is now a vice president in credit sales at Bear Stearns, says, 'We're going to try to keep the legacy alive and defend our title.' But, [Pete] LeSueur says, ruefully, 'We don't know what name we'll be playing for.'"

And:

"'Specifically with lacrosse, people hiring on Wall Street have a lot of respect for athletes,' says... LeSueur, Johns Hopkins '05 and an Academic All-American. 'There's definitely a strong correlation between being able to handle pressure as a trader and being able to handle pressure as an athlete.'"

The article doesn't mention how non-lacrosse playing Bear employees—the secretaries and other support staff who saw their life savings wiped out in a single weekend while Bear chairman Jimmy Cayne was otherwise engaged overruffing South in Detroit—but no matter: So long as our virile traders are able to continue their legacy of passing a small ball to each other with sticks, our economy will still be a shining beacon to the rest of the world. Here's hoping these guys can keep the gang together.