NEVER FORGET Stephanie's mugshot, present day (inset)

Oh my God. It's like they won't stop giving us The Hills. Every bonus episode is as pretty and empty as a Thomas Kinkade painting. And every after-show is as unnecessary as an extended 8-minute remix of "I Heard It Through the Grapevine."

This week, Lauren Conrad and Stephanie Pratt stroll the grounds of L.A.'s esteemed FIDM, where LC tells Stephanie (who deserves an A+ for rocking the vest-and-nothing-but-the-vest look) it's her birthday and offers a roundabout party invitation. "If you want, you can come." Stephanie so wants to come.

Spencer returns to his apartment with Heidi, where he uses a trick as old as the hills themselves: "So, are we dating?" he asks. You see, many ladies in the club have been inquiring and, being gentlemanly, he wants to give them an honest response. Heidi, to her credit, tells him to hit the road. Back at his sister's house it's much of the same. Spencer finds that sibling devotion ends when a brother is living on his sister's couch, ordering her to wash his sheets. Stephanie wants him out of her apartment immediately. But wily Spencer catches her on a technicality: "It's not an apartment, it's a condo." Touché.

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