After Sunday night's excruciating 90-minute mega episode, the Rock of Love 2 abomination we couldn't help but watch has finally come to an end. In this last set, sensitive former Poison frontman Bret Michaels managed to find his true rock of love while sporting an unprecedented number of bandannas and shamelessly promoting his new album, which will undoubtedly have super-star guest remixes of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn" and the poetic "touch my backstage pass, ride my limousine" ROL theme song.

As a regular viewer might have guessed, the winner of the trashy slut-off that concluded in Cancun, Mexico, (at some resort whose name and logo escapes us) would be the last girl to flash Bret with her pantyless beaver. Ready girls? Go!

Brett and the gals hop on a private jet and head off to Girls Gone Wild country, where we are forced to endure Daisy trying to form sentence after sentence, Ambre trying to be sexy, and crew of dancing, costumed Mexicans trying to pretend they're not in on the wretched publicity stunt. As if that weren't bad enough, a good half of the show involved retrospective montages of previous episodes that were deliciously intolerable the first time around.

Michaels took Ambre on a "Mayan awesome jungle experience" that involved rose petals, caves, and Ambre dry-grinding Michaels in front of a noticeably skeeved-out masseuse. The whole thing played out like a Sandals resort commercial for the washed up hair-metal set. Then Ambre and her Tracy Turnblad-esque two-toned bouffant met Michaels at a romantic dinner for which he managed dig up a righteous purple tie-dye bandanna. She noted skankily that she wasn't wearing panties, and after flashing him a couple Sharon Stone-style upskirts, Michaels went with the timeless "Check, Please" joke that he would repeat just 24 hours later in a similar situation with Daisy.

Then, after "making love" to Ambre, Michaels takes Daisy on a fishing trip. Following their "I'm King of the World!" pose on the boat's bow, Daisy puked, Michaels scoped her tits, and they had sex, presumably banging right through her hurl-breath. The next day, as Michaels contemplatively stared at the ocean while Poison monster ballads echoed gently in the breeze, Daisy headed back to the suite the two competitor chicks shared—a masterstroke, VH1. Grown-up insults like "slouchy" were exchanged, before Ambre let's forth with the facts: "I'm a TV host. You're a stripper."

And then Michaels' final decision. The scene is set up like an awkward Survivor elimination, complete with torches and fake Mayan pyramids. Daisy's basically topless and Ambre flashes her goodies once more, this time Spears-style, while walking down a pseudo-ancient staircase. Surprisingly, Michaels, in wearing a metallic-colored sharkskin suit, chose the comparatively smartish newscaster over the totally hot bimbo. Daisy, the dear, had another robotic meltdown. Good luck, Ambre, fondling Brett's well-worn backstage pass and riding in his seedy limo. Until next time, Mr. Michaels, au revoir. We'll be tuning into next week's reunion show (there's an actual fight involving Daisy!) to hold us over 'till Ambre springboards off of this whole experience into superstardom and Bret returns to his infectious dating pool for Rock of Love 3!