Oh God, Justin Bobby returned to The Hills Monday night. And not a moment too soon. With the Lauren-Heidi feud wearing ever thinner and the economy in the shitter, we need the greatest love story of our time like never before. In honor of JB's return, we offer you these poetic moments, with subtextual analysis, from the rekindling of his epic romance with Audrina:

The scene: Early evening. Republic, a trendy steakhouse on the corner of La Cienaga and Melrose, not yet crowded. Audrina sits alone at a table, waiting against a muted backdrop. She looks around, contemplatively. It seems she's been here before. Maybe not here, but somewhere like it.

Justin Bobby enters wearing his trademark hat, with his trademark hair pulled back in a tidy man bun. They hug and exchange pleasantries

Audrina: You smell good. [It's nice to see your personal hygiene has improved.]

Justin Bobby: Really, I haven't showered in weeks. [You love whatever I do, shut up.]

He sits down.

Justin Bobby: I like your leathers. [Your ass still looks hot, I could stare into your vacant eyes forever.]

Audrina looks down. She doesn't want to accept a compliment. She will not sleep with him tonight.

Justin Bobby: Looks like you miss the bike, huh? [C'mon baby, you miss riding me.]

She pauses, there are other bikes in the sea. She will not sleep with him tonight.

Justin Bobby: C'mon, a little bit? [Sure ... the bike, this hair, it's so on.]

Audrina: A little bit. [He better at least buy the drinks. If not, no deal.]

Justin Bobby: I don't think anybody's been on it since. [I'm not the man whore I used to be; I have finished all the antibiotics.]

Audrina: Really? [Even I'm not dumb enough to believe you.]

Justin Bobby: Yeah, I got a solo seat. I haven't had anybody on it. [Believe me. I've just been greasing my own axle to those nudie pics of you that are all over the Internet.]

Audrina: What have you been up to? [If you haven't been banging random chicks, how have you been passing the days?]

Justin Bobby: Hanging out, doing a little move. [I told you, I've just been masturbating to those pictures of you from when you were 18. And I moved to a new place. I'm different now. We should totally start sleeping together again.]

Audrina: So your new place is by the beach? [Hmmm ... if we start sleeping together again, would I be able to walk from your grimy love nest to the beach?]

Justin Bobby: Uh-huh. I'm excited, it's good. Change is good. People are different. I need to get my priorities straight. [I've changed. I'm off the booze and the drugs. Can we score right now?]

Audrina: Wow. [I'm going to tell Lauren you're clean now, then she won't be too much of a bitch when I start sleeping with you again. But, she'll still probably be a bitch.]

Justin Bobby: Remember our first little date we went to? How long ago was that? [Was there a time we weren't involved with this stupid reality show? It was so much easier to get in your pants then.]

She shakes her head.

Justin Bobby: Long. You think of all the B.S. that's been on between that time and right now. [Baby, it was so good and simple in the beginning. It was Adam Divello and LC that tore us apart.]

Audrina: Laughing, she interjects. I know, a lot. It's like, I'm just over all this stuff, you know. [Lauren's vengeance scares me sometimes.]

Justin Bobby: Yeah. [It scares me, too. Even though it's obvious she wants me to give it to her.]

Audrina: I have my own stuff going on. Like Lauren still won't talk or look at Heidi. But, I see Heidi out now, and we're okay. [It's hard being the only brunette amongst all the blonde drama queens sometimes.]

Justin Bobby: She seemed really nice. [That chick dates Spencer, she's not going to give you any grief if you come back for another round of JB.]

Audrina: Yeah, we used to be really good friends. [Yeah, she'd be totally supportive of us banging, tonight even.]

Justin Bobby: Oh, okay. [Great, her implants are nice too.]

Audrina: Like we talked about you when she came over the other week. (I might not sleep with you tonight, maybe I'll just give you a BJ.)

Justin Bobby: Yeah. It might cause a little drama that. [Let's get you another cocktail.]

Audrina: Oh, a little. [What the hell, I'll probably put out.]

Justin Bobby: It's not nice when you fall away from people, but when you kinda regroup again, it's— [It means I'm totally hitting it with you tonight.]

Audrina: Great company. [Yeah, it usually is. Can we go back to your beach house and bang now?]

Justin Bobby: Absolutely. [Absolutely.]

The next morning, it's unclear if Audrina ever made it home the night before. Either way, it was a late one. Lauren is pissy she didn't answer her phone calls. Things between the roomies are tense. But, whatever, Lauren needs to get laid.