Back before the specter arose again of China becoming a superpower, its opening ceremony for the 2008 Summer Olympics threatened little more than jingoism, funky dancers, freakishly wee gymnasts, and bizarre masks. Good times! Not the rally cry of empty defiance it's become for world leaders (Angela Merkel, Gordon Brown, Donald Tusk) who weren't going anyway. Boycotting a nation with a genocidal streak is hardly news. But a leader announcing he is attending, now that's a headline maker!

So far, the two politicos who've publicly flirted with attending the opening ceremonies are an unlikely pair: George W. Bush and Jimmy Carter.

Bush says he's going to the games themselves, and the White House announced that he may hit up the opening ceremonies if his schedule allows it. But other than pissing off Jon Stewart or making nice with Chinese business friends, why would he actively court the bad press? (Are mountain bikes and Segways even legal there?) It's treacherous waters, rife with political mines, even for a lame duck. Not only are the Chinese killing monks on a pretty regular basis, they're censoring the media, leading the world in executions and counterfeiting one of America's national treasures, Obama Girl. Plus, no president has ever gone to an Olympic opening ceremony outside of the US. Hell, Bush sent dear old dad to the games in Athens four years ago.

More inexplicable is the position taken up by noted lover of humans, Carter. He led a boycott of the 1980 Moscow games but says he opposes boycotting Beijing and explains his position crankily, in a way that might as well begin, back in my day.... "That was a totally different experience in 1980, when the Soviet Union had brutally invaded and killed thousands and thousands of people," he said. Abetting genocide in Darfur and undermining the U.N.'s work there apparently doesn't count. Carter stopped short of booking a ticket, though. In fact, it seems that no American luminaries, dignitaries or otherwise notable dudes have reserved seats, leading one to wonder: Might the only Americans at opening ceremony be those poor saps marching into National Stadium waving the stars and stripes?