Lindsay Lohan's press hungry pops wants you to know that Lindsay plans to assume a missionary position soon. Ex-con-turned preacher Michael Lohan says his daughter has signed up with Times Square Church Missions, where he's minister, and wants to go on a mission to India to help deal with child sexual slavery and AIDS victims. "She has made it clear she definitely wants to come along," papa Lohan tells In Touch Weekly.

UPDATE: But wait! Lindsay will assume no such position, per the Daily News, per Lindsay's rep, per Lindsay. Aw, Dad!