Nothing Americans love more than knocking someone down with a sledgehammer, kicking them in the ribs a few times for good measure, running them over with a steamroller just in case, and then giving them a second, third or in Brit's case, billionth chance to redeem themselves.
It's been nearly eight weeks since the train wreck from Kentwood, Louisiana, needed a police entourage (complete with choppers) to the L.A. Looney bin. Since then she managed a guest appearance on How I Met Your Mother, sans incident, and spent time with her children without shaving anyone's head. Most importantly she's slimmed back down to cute. Must be time for "Brit's back and better then ever" cover stories!

OK! gives a positive spin to Ms. Spears starvation diet—"Britney Lost 15 lbs. in Just 4 Weeks!" We don't claim to be nutritionists/fitness experts like the ones currently not treating Britney Spears, but that doesn't sound quite healthy. Still Britney is so cute again! And it's all do to substituting sweet potato fries for French fries and coating everything a layer of flax seeds. You go gal!
Because Us (still $1 more than OK!) has decided since its Obama undies interview that it's a serious mag, Min's kids go take the more somber, "Living With Mental Illness" cover. Apparently Brit is making baby steps toward getting better, living under papa Jamie's watch, limiting herself to a strict $1,500 a week budget, undergoing a lobotomy, er, sticking to her meds. We especially like the quote from dejected WENN Agency photog, Michael Wright. "She doesn't come out so much, and that is a little tedious. She's not doing the crazy thing that left people wanting pictures." Damn you Brit, don't you watch the news, the economy is in shambles, and your acting all normal is single handedly crippling a whole sector of the workforce.

And because Brit is on the road to recovery, In Touch and Star decide it's time that she reconcile with professional mooch/father-of-the-year Kevin Federline. The Bauer bunch at In Touch take the "exclusive" Kev quote, "I will always love the mothers of my children, (the "Crazy" singer and former fling Shar Jackson)," and shimmy it into a possible reunion. Also, when K-Fed's uncle died in late March, Britney expressed concern and didn't cause a scene—surely a sign that these two chaotic kids are a once-and-future thing.
Star is several steps ahead in patching things up between the poptart and the ridiculo-rapper, with their screaming "Brit and Kev's Secret Weekend" cover. Turns out that even in the Star chamber, Mr. & Mrs. Federline's Maui romp is just something on the table, and that vacationing photo of the cuddly couple is actually from their 2004 honeymoon. Playing journo-cop once again, Us calls bullshit on yet another Star story. In the future, the celebrity mags will each get to make up one story every five weeks while the others all use their resources to prove it wrong.