TANNED, TALENTLESS Spears, Federline, circa 2004

Nothing Americans love more than knocking someone down with a sledgehammer, kicking them in the ribs a few times for good measure, running them over with a steamroller just in case, and then giving them a second, third or in Brit's case, billionth chance to redeem themselves.
It's been nearly eight weeks since the train wreck from Kentwood, Louisiana, needed a police entourage (complete with choppers) to the L.A. Looney bin. Since then she managed a guest appearance on How I Met Your Mother, sans incident, and spent time with her children without shaving anyone's head. Most importantly she's slimmed back down to cute. Must be time for "Brit's back and better then ever" cover stories!

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