QUEER AS JOKE Perez, Ashton (l.), John (r.) (Photo: Getty Images)

As much as we'd like to believe that homosexual gossip Perez Hilton and presumably heterosexual singer John Mayer recently shared a steamy moment at a Manhattan night club—because really, it'd make our jobs that much easier—we're having a hard time doing so. For one, Mayer has a reputation for being something of a merry prankster. Then there's the fact that his publicist hasn't even denied it, unlike the first time that Perez blabbed to the world that he and Mayer made out. Finally, if Mayer actually is a bisexual, we're fairly confident he can do better than this.

The likely puppeteer behind it all? Our money's on post-adolescent frat boy Ashton Kutcher, whose new show, Pop Fiction, is an elaborate attempt to punk the journalists and paparazzi who fuel the celebrity-industry complex. We're guessing he orchestrated the initial New Year's Eve kiss and subsequent Mayer denial, and then had Mayer's publicist refrain from calling bullshit this time around so it would seem real.

Well-played, Kutcher! But you still got a ways to go before you can step to George Clooney.

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