Platinum-selling, Lolita-dry-banging R&B bad boy Akon would like his fans to believe he's a Lamborghini-stealing hardened criminal who did a 4 1/2-year stretch for his master thievery. He's bragged in interviews about leading cops on high-speed chases or running chop shops servicing celebs and drug dealers. He'd still be doing it if it weren't for a bitchass bunch of snitches beneath him. Inside the joint, he was a legendary scrapper and once out, he celebrated his jailtime, naming his company Konvict Music and his second album Konvicted. But it's all fake, the Smoking Gun reports ...

He's only been convicted of one felony, for which he got three years probation. The only time he spent in jail was in Dekalb County, Georgia—the alleged site of his stolen car ring. He was arrested for possession of a single stolen BMW and cooled his heels there for a few months before the charges were dropped. There was no conviction or prison term between 1999 and 2002, and he was never "facing 75 years," as he claimed in an interview, TSG writes, adding, "Akon, as it turns out, is James Frey with catchy hooks and an American Music Award."

That whole incident where he stage-humped the living sin out of that minister's 15-year-old daughter, though, totally real!