In an effort to capitalize on the March Madness craziness that will for the next three weeks drastically decrease productivity in offices nationwide, the New York Observer yesterday unveiled its own bracket, "Socialite Slapdown". It is just like the pool you and your frat brothers set up, except that the 64 teams have been replaced by New York socialites and divided into four "regions": Birth, Brio, Beauty, Brains. Will No. 1 seed Tinsley "UNC" Mortimer make it through the Birth bracket unscathed? Will Zani Gugelmann beat Maggie Betts in the traditional No. 5 vs. No. 12 upset special? Will anyone other than Jared Kushner's assistant actually fill out a bracket? Only time will tell!

As far as we know, the Observer hasn't actually convinced any of the nominated parties to square off in a one-on-one game of hoops (though that would have made the thing about a hundred times more interesting), so we're not really sure how a "winner" in each round is determined. If it's just based on votes, then upsets probably won't happen, and what's the point of a bracket without upsets? Anyway, more importantly, how did Ivanka Trump manage to get herself grouped in the "Brains" category instead of the more appropriate "Birth" category? It's almost like she is sleeping with someone who works there or something!