• Gimme less: Prime yourself with the clip above for the latest Britney Spears comeback to air tonight on CBS' How I Met Your Mother. She's the best second fiddle to Doogie since Vinnie Delpino.

• How I re-met your mother?: Britney's conservator/dad says the best thing for his daughter would be to get with a hip-hop dancer-turned failed rapper, someone with a knack for finding the one person in life less responsible than himself to make him look noble ... Hey, look who's here! Kevin Federline! (YOU GO SAY HI.)

• Of bullies and brats: In a gripping personality profile sure to win him more black eyes, The New York Times profiles an Arkansas boy the bullies love to beat up. Hello, Drillbit Taylor synergy!

• Foot fetish: Presenting Paris Hilton's new line of shoes—petite enough to show off that chic new ankle monitor, expensive enough to trade for a bump in a pinch.

• Captain Bigheart strikes again: Dick Cheney keeps truckin' through his end-of-term international tour of "fuck it." There was the "so?" response to Americans' disapproval of his war, now he says those 4,000 Deady McDeadsters in the armed forces got what they bargained for.

• Holy Crap! Gov. Paterson As Familiar With Drugs As His Constituents
• Joe Francis: I'm Just Like Rosa Parks, Nelson Mandela, and Jesus

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