VALENTINE'S DAY MASSACRE The digital camera went missing

This afternoon, Radar sent two intrepid young interns to be massacred by the love-laden St. Valentine's Day masses at Grand Central Station. Armed with lip-gloss, hot shades, and a notepad for illustrating their exploits, they asked the gift-buying public which makes a better Valentine's Day gift—after a beating—flowers or chocolates? Answers varied.

"Mike Jones," a banker who in addition to lying about his name tried to tell us that he's 45, was asked first whether his box of chocolates were for his wife or his mistress. "I don't know, it depends on which one's mad at me," he said. With a love triangle like that, surely Jones endures the occasional lovers' quarrel (not to mention his constant struggle with life as a douchebag!), so: Do chocolates or flowers make a better token of apology after a beating? "Chocolates," he said, with the confidence of a man who has apologized as many times in the past as he will in the future. "They're relaxing—I think I read that somewhere."

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