IT'S GOING DOWN Keep your chin up, Miami

The power is out for 4.4 million people in South Florida! Traffic is all screwed up! No one knows why! Also, it's balmy year-round. School is really easy (especially if you're drunk or on meth). The water's warm, and there's no state income tax. So take a deep breath of salt air, take solace in the fact that the Homestead Act prevents the government from taking your McMansion, even if you paid for it with money earned in a stock swindle and have since declared bankruptcy. Then summon the poolside waiter at the Delano and order another mojitoritatini. [CNN]

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