Have you been wondering what kind of dog the various presidential candidates are most like? Tribune Co. knows you have. And while it may have laid off a buttload of veteran cops and court reporters at its now mostly pretend newspapers, it does have a dogs writer at the Baltimore Sun to satisfy your canine-candidate curiosities. (Let the Eukanuba ads roll in!) The results are as follows:

John McCain = Pug
"They will do whatever it takes to get what they want, often using playful or clever tactics."

Barack Obama = Great Dane
Has "an appearance of being very noble and dignified" and "can be trained for protection work"

Mike Huckabee = Beagle
"Its favorite habits—overeating and making a mess"

John Edwards = Golden Retriever
Possesses "a lustrous coat" and "perfect symmetry"

Mitt Romney = Smooth Fox Terrier
Used originally for "vermin-killing," this dog has a "dense and abundant coat"

Hillary Clinton = Labradoodle
"A newer breed that combines the often ostentatious Labrador with the more reserved—at times even aloof—poodle."

Alan Keyes = Poodle
A "perennial show dog" with a "pridefully prancing gait"

Mike Gravel = Samoyed
A wedge-faced dog that is "likely to wander off in its own direction."

Ron Paul = Welsh Corgi
"An intelligent, loyal and obedient dog that loves a challenge" and has a "tendency to nip heels."

Dennis Kucinich = Jack Russell Terrier
"A speedy, active and intelligent little dog" with "deep set almond-shaped eyes"

Rudy Giuliani = French bulldog
"Stubborn and manipulative"

Fred Thompson = English bulldog
"Devoted and often clown-like"

Duncan Hunter = Schnauzer
"Prone to behavioral problems"

If you still haven't got your fill of obscure, meaningless comparisons, you might enjoy this new Observer article where hotshot lawyers liken their firms to various candidates. Cause everybody cares about that.