Good news! Contrary to speculation, Christina Aguilera did not elect to deliver her child via Caesarean section because she was too important and fancy to poop out a baby. No, the poor thing was actually afraid for her ladyparts. She tells Hello! magazine that, "I'd heard horror stories about tearing. I really wanted a calm and peaceful environment. I didn't want any surprises." But now that she's avoided the ordeal, Aguilera—vagina presumably intact—can enjoy "the whole journey" of parenting, which includes handing the child off to a nanny because you're "petrified" of the infant crying and leaving the kid with a babysitter while you go to some awards ceremony because you're "terribly frightened" of being bored at home while your offspring sleeps. [Daily Mail]

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