• I choose not to run: In a New York Times Op-Ed, NYC mayor Michael Bloomberg says, "I am not—and will not be—a candidate for president." If only the same could be said of Ralph Nader. Bloomers adds, however, "If a candidate takes an independent, nonpartisan approach—and embraces practical solutions that challenge party orthodoxy—I'll join others in helping that candidate win the White House."

• Self-portrait: Perez Hilton finds himself in a sex tape scandal of his own, after a hottie fledgling blogger claims Perez asked him to send some explicit video his way in exchange for career help.

• Precious moments: Despite lackluster Xtina baby pic issue sales, People has reportedly paid $1 million for snaps of Nicole Richie's little bundle of joy, Harlow.

WAIT, THERE'S MORE: Japan hates us; Taliban surges in Afghanistan; and NYT staffer accused of plagiarism!

• Locals rule!: Six years after the U.S. invasion, intelligence officials say that President Hamid Karzai's Kabul government is in control of just 30 percent of Afghanistan, with local tribal government controlling the majority of the country, and the resurgent Taliban controlling 10 or 11 percent. Bush waxes up for a final waterboard session.

• Look, some of them are assholes, what can I say?: Condi Rice apologizes for American troops behaving badly in Japan, most notably the alleged rape of a 14-year-old girl on Okinawa. Japanese Prime Minister Yasuo Fukuda calls the crime "unforgivable," and defense minister Shigeru Ishiba warns that it could destabilize the U.S.-Japan alliance.

• Not fair for shares: Yahoo faces seven shareholder lawsuits after rejecting, and allegedly mishandling, Microsoft's hostile takeover bid.

• Cut and paste: Contributing to the New York Times' rough times, a staff writer is caught lifting a few lines from a Miami Herald story.

• Not Safe for Anything: Wired has some brutal and disturbing new images from Abu Ghraib. Take a good minute to think seriously about clicking here.