Bai Ling, the bisexual Chinese actress whose contributions to men's skin mags far outweigh her contributions to cinema, was arrested yesterday at LAX. Her crime? Attempting to relieve a terminal store of two celeb magazines and a pack of batteries. Maybe they were of the pricier D-battery variety? Anyway, Ling's five-finger discount would have saved her a whopping $16, a veritable drop in the bucket compared to the $4,760 worth of designer duds that Winona Ryder tried to steal from a Beverly Hills Saks in 2001.

Ling, darling: Rather than suffer through the indignity of being caught stealing MAGAZINES, why not just subscribe? You know you can get 10 issues of Radar for the low, low price of $10, don't you?