The Trump International Hotel and Tower, a project allegedly managed by The Apprentice season one winner Bill Rancic, has opened in Chicago! (Mostly—it's open, but they're still building the top 32 stories. Frightening! Also: Why "International"? Can you see Canada from the top?) To mark this momentous occasion, this moment when our own Donald Trump exports all his class and dignity to America's at-least-fifth-greatest city, a Chicago Tribune reporter is live-blogging his stay. It is every bit as thrilling as you might imagine.

1:50 p.m.: Electric kettle took about 8 minutes to heat up the water.

3:32 p.m.: Lunch was good.

6:41 p.m.: For a while, we thought the television was the problem. That is, until a manager stopped by with a new remote. In-mirror television is working and, I gotta tell ya, this is freaky watching "Norbit" in the bathroom. Then again, it's probably because I'm watching "Norbit" ...

Wow. STAY TUNED!